Mirror Image
by Datenshi Blue1
Summary: Hikaru moves out to his new apartment and Waya helps him. It's pouring, drenched clothes are sexily glued to their skin. Akira scoops and... yaoishounen-ai. Chapter 5 up!
1. Boy's Day

**Disclaimers: **If only...

**Notes:** This fic is written by Datenshi Blue and Jiro (here Jiro's ff.net page should go, but it keeps getting deleted and messing with the fanfic... :( ). It's our first time working together so go easy on us. We're doing our best!!

**Warnings:** Shounen-ai, yaoi, cuteness!!

**Chapter 1: Boy's Day.**

It's so empty. No matter where I look, there's nothing left. Assuming that I won't be coming back here is a little bit harder than what I thought. I was so excited about moving out. But now... I can't help but think that I'll be somehow betraying Sai's memory. I know it doesn't make sense. But it's here where we lived, learnt and grew up together. Well, maybe he didn't literally grew up, since he was already an adult when we met (let alone the ghost stuff), but I felt him like a part of me, and so I took him for granted, blindly believing we would be together forever and a day. That he would be protecting and leading me, that I would be able to thank him, helping him to achieve the Hand of God he so looked up to.

The goban is there, on the ground. I'll take care of it myself. I don't want it to go in the truck with the rest of my stuff. My manga, my CD's, all my magazines (there are like hundreds of "Weekly Go" packed inside a huge box...).

I look out my now bare window. The wind is blowing through the flags again. It's the Boy's Day too. It's almost like if that was a magic date. Maybe my life is about changing again. I would like to go to Shuusaku's grave later, and sort of pray for this change to be good. Not that I'm a believer, or something like that, but I would like for Sai to look over me even if he is already in Heaven. Even if I don't deserve it. I would like for Sai to watch me grow stronger, if only to prove him that I'm worth the time he spent on me. 

'Hikaru!!'

'I'm coming!', I say, looking at my empty old room for the last time. I shake my head and take the goban in my arms. 

'Hikaru... do you really think you'll be alright?', mom asks me when I get downstairs, 'You should wait another year. Normally people move on their own when they are 18!'

''Kaasan... I told you I'll be alright. And that apartment is close to the Nihon Kiin too. It will be fine. I have a job. I get paid, I can pay the rent and...'

'I'm not talking about the money! You are too young and irresponsible to be living alone!'

I pout. She's acting like a mother hen. I guess it's only natural that she's worried and even a bit upset. But I'm only moving a few km's away. It's not like I'm leaving the country, or even the city.

I set the goban on the truck of the car and look around. Damn Waya. He's late. When I told him I was moving out, he offered to give me a hand.

'And your friend?', mama asks as if reading my thoughts.

'That I would like to know', I mutter slightly annoyed.

But the anger fades away as I see him running towards me waving his hand.

'You're late', I manage to look at least a bit annoyed.

Waya draws his hand to the back of his head and ruffles his own hair, looking ashamed. 

'Gomen, I was just... ', he makes a movement as if to get his backpack off his shoulders and then sort of blushes and looks away. He's acting weird.

'Nani?'

He looks at me, blushing harder and then smiles, waving his hand to mean it's nothing.

'Weirdo.', I say, turning towards the car.

'Wait, Hikaru. Your grandfather is also coming.'

Now I _am_ annoyed.

'Gramps is? Why?'

Waya is looking at the sky. He sighs.

'It's going to rain, too, and I forgot my umbrella', he says.

'What the...?'

I shake my head. Why am I surrounded by this weird people? Is it some sort of divine punishment?

Oh, here he is. What is that thing he is carrying with himself? It can't be... It can't... Shuusaku's goban? Why? He told me he would give it to me and I refused to take it. Why is he bringing it now?

Hell, once again my eyes drift all along the smooth surface of the board looking for blood stains. Kinda creepy, aren't we? There's not a single stain. Nothing left. I'm always amazed at how it disappeared, taking Sai along.

'Shindou?', Waya voice is concerned. I think I was spacing out. Maybe I was making a sad face and all.

'Hai?'

'What's wrong? You suddenly looked sad...', see? It was obvious. Damn, why is Waya looking at me so intently? I'm going to blush if he doesn't stop looking at me like that. I run to my grandad to help him with the goban and keep Waya from seeing my embarrassed face. Feels weird to see him concerned about me.

'Why?', I ask grandpa. He knows what I mean. 

'Because I felt it was the right thing to do. And the right time for you to have it. After all you are a pro worth of this treasure and the so-called tall ghost with the hat never came out...', he's laughing, but I feel something stinging my heart. I manage to keep the smile on my face though. I'm way too good at that. After all, am I not the easy-going type? I sort of hug the goban.

'Arigatou', I say.

A raindrop falls over it. Waya was right, it seems. We hurry to the car. I'm still hugging the goban when the car leaves towards my new home.

'You're holding that like if you were afraid it will disappear if you take your eyes off it', Waya says, breaking the silence. I loosen the grip. 'What is it?', he adds.

'A goban.'

'Baka.', he pouts looking through the window on his side. I can't help but laugh.

'It's as precious to me as if it was Honinbou Shuusaku's goban.'

It actually is. The one he died over. Creepy stuff.

'You're obssessed over that guy. No doubt he was a genius, but your admiration is kinda...'

Yeah, I know. Creepy. Like the goban. Like the blood stains. Like the fact of living with a ghost for two years. I laugh.

'You are obssessed with Ochi. That's even worse.'

Waya hits my arm.

'Am not. You're silly...', he sulks. I go on laughing. 

When we get to our destination, the truck with my stuff is already there. It's raining heavily and the sky has turned almost black. We can hear some far thunders and the wind is a little cold. I protect the goban with my body as I run into the building. Waya follows me carrying the other goban. Mama and gramps are helping to get everything else inside my apartment. 

After placing the goban over a table, I go outside, followed by Waya. We both get some stuff from the truck and go back inside. He is in a good mood, and that makes my mood good too. If you are feeling down, leave it to Waya to fix your day. When we make the last trip to the truck, we are both drenched and loudly laughing.

We get into the apartment, pushing each other like kids. Both his hair and mine are soaked and dripping.

'God. It's pouring...', Waya says, running his fingers through his hair.

Mama walks up to us and gives us some big disapproving look.

'I knew you are still a kid. You shouldn't be moving here on your own...'

She's messing around, opening boxes and looking inside them. What is she looking for? Ah, a couple of towels. She gives them to us and leaves to give grandpa a ride to his home. I look again at Shuusaku's goban. No blood there. Like if it never was. I sigh. I dry my face with the towel, then I feel another towel on my hair, and gentle hands sort of massaging my head. I blush when I realize it's Waya. He's saying something about being careful to not catch a cold. His hands on my hair are warm and gentle, even with the towel between his fingers and my hair. Eh... why the hell am I blushing? Isn't this situation a little bit too intimate?

'There. We have now assured our favourite Go prodigy a long healthy life', he says mockingly at my back. I blush deeper. What's with all the blushing stuff today?

'Cut it out!', I say, turning around, my wet hair falling heavily over my eyes. Waya stops talking in the middle of a sentence and looks at me with his lips slightly apart.

Something is wrong. The awkward silence goes on for some more seconds. I should say something to make us go back to reality. Waya looks away and smiles slightly. He looks... _pained_?

'Waya...', I say. He has stepped back. His hands still holding the towel. And the morose smile on his lips.

He then looks up, being his usual self again. But I can still sense something wrong. And I can't put my finger on it. I'm not as dense as everybody thinks... I know I shouldn't mess in his business. But Waya is one of my best friends and I definitely don't like seeing him like this. So I take a step towards him... and then my feet get tangled in something. I look down to see a towel lying on the floor. What the hell is that towel doing there? How did it get there in the first place? I look at my hands as I trip, with enough time to realize two facts:

That I was the one who dropped the towel.

That I'm falling.

'Damn!', I say while closing my eyes.

'Oi, Shindou! Watch out!'

I never hit the floor. Waya has reached out his hands to grab me, and I have pushed him, and now, I'm lying on top of him, with his hands clutching my wet t-shirt.

I look at him. My hands are set on the floor, on both sides of his face. He is violently blushing. I think I am too. I can feel the warmth of his body through the cold wet fabric of our clothes. I blush even deeper. This is wrong. Why is he still holding me? Why doesn't he let go?

He is moving his hand up my back, and I feel a chill. He is now running his fingers through my hair... and the sensation is... _good_. 

Then I hear someone clearing their throats... in the doorway?

We freeze. One of Waya's hands is around my waist. The other is framing my face. And I'm sorta straddling him. 

This is definitely not good.

Actually I would say it is bad.

I jump away from him to find out that Touya Akira and Isumi-san are looking at us with an expression between shocked, ashamed and something more that I can't place, on their features.

It is not bad. It is even worse.

I'm going to die of embarrassment.

I want the ground to swallow me.

I...

'This is not...', I start. Way to go, me. How have I ended up in this stupid and awkward situation? Waya is looking away, his face sad. Is he mad at me?, 'I mean, it was an accident! I... ', this is just great. I'm making a fool out of myself. And Touya and Isumi-san are looking at me. And I am looking at all of them in silence, like if I was retarded.

Then Touya looks away with a scorned smile on his lips and I feel something breaking inside me.

'Now I see why you didn't tell me you were moving out', he says, slowly turning around and leaving.

'Touya...', my voice trails off. His face was kind of shocked. He looked scared, angry, sad... his usually contempt face was filled with different feelings now. I don't know what that means, or why he is so mad at me (us?).

Isumi-san mutters an apology and walks out too. Waya and I are left alone. Both of us shocked and looking at the now empty doorway.

'What was that, now?', I ask with a trembling voice.

Waya looks at me and his lips twitch, showing an ironic smile. I walk to the outside of the building, but there's nobody there. The rain keeps falling heavily, and I like the feeling of getting soaked by it. I look at the flags that are decorating the streets. Boy's Day... something big always happens during that day. I can't get a hold of what is it this time. But I feel like something has begun.

I wish this rain could wash away the nasty feeling I have right now. Something is wrong with me too. I don't know why I am so bothered by Touya's reaction. I don't know what has happened with Waya back there.

Well, there goes the big change in my life. Now I really feel like going to Shuusaku's grave, to talk to Sai. I walk inside to look at gramps' goban once more. 

No blood.

Why am I not surprised?

TBC

-----------------------

**'Kaasan:** short for okaasan that means mother.

**Gomen: **I'm sorry.

**Nani: **What.

**Arigatou:** Thank you.

**Baka:** Idiot.

Well, now, give us fuel. Go down, hit the submit review button and tell us what you think!!! Thanks for reading!


	2. The Counterfeit Smile

** Note: **"Mirror Image" is co-authored by Datenshi Blue and Jiro. The story is organized so that every odd chapter is written from Hikaru's POV (by Datenshi Blue) and every even chapter is written from Akira's POV (by Jiro) So if you're confused as to why Hikaru is suddenly walking around in the rain moping ~ and wearing LOAFERS no less!~ then I guess you didn't read this notice first, huh? ^_^   
  
**Disclaimers:** Not ours… thanks for reminding us....No, really. Thanks. O_o   
  
**Warnings:** Shonen-ai. Angst. (heh, heh. Touya torturing is a favorite passtime of mine ^_^)  
  
**Chapter 2: The Counterfeit Smile**  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tokyo has never seemed so deserted before. The streets are empty and the sound of the rain as it pounds down onto the city drowns out the noise of my loafers as they smack against the concrete. The rain is deafening, but I don't mind. At least it keeps me from having to listen to my own thoughts.   
  
I should probably take the subway instead of traveling to my apartment by foot, seeing as it is undoubtedly the more logical course of action. But I don't. Instead I desperately try to out run the storm. I'm not sure how long I've been running, but my cheeks are flushed and my lungs burn. I reach a tired hand up to brush away the hair that's now plastered to my face. A few strands have strayed into my eyes and I blink in discomfort, clutching my briefcase to my chest as I try in vain to keep it from getting soaked. I curse into the rain as I notice the condition of my satchel. It's ruined and all the papers and kifu contained in it are now illegible, smeared by the rain. And that knowledge only manages to darken my already foul mood.   
  
This whole situation was preventable. I knew the storm was coming; the forecast called for heavy showers by late afternoon. I curse again in annoyance. I could have avoided all this if I had only brought an umbrella with me. I frown, remembering. Actually, I did bring an umbrella.   
  
I left it at Shindou's.   
  
I clutch my briefcase closer, scowling.   
  
I'm never going back to that place again. I shouldn't have gone there to begin with. If Shindou had wanted me to come he would have invited me. But he didn't even tell me he was moving. If I hadn't bumped into Isumi-san outside of the Nihon Kiin this afternoon, I wouldn't have even known Shindou had a new apartment.  
  
I thought that maybe he just forgot to tell me about it. Shindou's like that sometimes. But honestly I should have known better.   
  
After all, he's not as clueless as he seems. Sure he's forgetful and horribly dense at times, but he isn't stupid. I should know that better than anyone. Shindou knows what he's doing; he has his reasons. It's just like those hands he plays in go that seem like mistakes or inexperience or just plain idiocy at first. But if you take those moves at face value you discover fifteen hands later that there was actually a hidden meaning behind them the entire time. That Shindou was reading ahead.   
  
I was so stupid. I had begun to think that maybe I was more than just his rival. That maybe I was his friend. But I'm not. And I know I have no right to be angry with him about it. He's never claimed to be anything other than my rival. I just assumed...  
  
He didn't even tell me that he and Waya were - that they were -   
  
The image of Shindou stratling Waya as the redhead ran his fingers affectionately through his hair comes unbidden to my mind, and I flush remembering the dazed look on Shindou's face as the other boy's hand began stroking his back. God, Shindou was so mortified when he saw us standing there, and I knew I was unwelcome. The expression on his face was enough to tell me that. When he looked at me I couldn't help but smile mockingly at myself.   
  
Friends? We were never friends.  
  
I pause as I fumble to grasp the key to my apartment with unfeeling fingers and unlock the door.   
  
I'm home. How did I get here? I shrug as I slosh into the entry way. My slacks are heavy with rain water and my shirt clings stubbornly to my skin. I peel off my clothes, careful not to get the floor too wet and I suck my breath in sharply when I feel the heat of the apartment as it crashes against my skin. It stings. I'm surprised to realize how numb I had become on the way here and I mentally berate myself for being foolish enough to run home in the rain.   
  
Still irritated by my own display of idiocy I walk down the hall. I continue past the small kitchen on the right and through the sparsely furnished living area until I reach the bathroom on the other side of the apartment. My flat is relatively small, but it's comfortable and easy to afford on my income.  
  
I place the clothes on the towel rack to dry and hop into the tub to take a quick shower. I don't feel like washing, but I know if I don't there's a good chance I'll get sick. Not that I'm overly concerned about my health, but it would interfere with my go so I have no other choice.  
  
A few minutes later I step out of the bathroom toweling myself dry and make my way into the bedroom. I haven't eaten anything since this afternoon, but I don't care. I'm not particularly hungry. So I change into my nightclothes and sit down on the futon.   
  
Ogata-san and I arranged to have a friendly match tomorrow at the Nihon Kiin. He's been quite busy lately, especially now that he has won the Ouza title. He only had enough time to spare between interviews and tutorials late this Wednesday afternoon.   
  
I riffle through the neat stack of kifu I keep in the closet, and pick out an assortment of Ogata-san's games. I try to collect as many kifu from the top players as I possibly can. I even have a few records from some of Ogata-san's net games. He plays Father over the internet whenever he can, just as I do. Father's go has evolved since his retirement, since his game with Sai. And he has pulled Ogata-san's game up along with his own. I should study the net kifu closest, I decide. Then I will go over his last match against Kurata 8-dan.  
  
  
I pull the goban closer to me and I place my hand into the go ke and try to focus my attention on the board. I just don't want to think about today. I don't want to think about anything but go. Go is my life. It's my reason for living. It's who I am. That's enough for me. Friends are just a distraction. If I'm going to find the Hand of God I can't afford to have anyone holding me back. I'm lucky, really.  
  
CRACK!  
  
I start as I slam the stone onto the goban. I hadn't meant to place it down so hard.   
  
I frown slightly as I notice that I haven't been recreating the game between Father and Ogata-san. I examine the shape on the board and it takes a moment before I recognize what it is: the very first game I ever played against Shindou.  
  
Wait. No. That's not right. It's the first game I played against Shindou *after he became a pro*.   
  
Odd. Why did I think of it like that?   
  
I shake my head lightly to dismiss the questions that begin to nag at the back of my mind. It's pointless to wonder about it anyway. Only Shindou can give the answers to those questions. And I'll never ask them. Because I know he won't answer. Not honestly. And why should he? We're not friends.  
  
I pick up the black and white shell stones and place them in their respective bins with the deft precision of a person who has dedicated his life to the game. Taking a small, cleansing breath I begin to recreate Ogata and Kurata-san's match one more time.   
  
Thirty minutes later I give up. It's hopeless; I can't concentrate. I look at the clock that rests on top of my bookcase, which besides the goban and futon is the only piece of furniture in the room. It's not even eight o'clock yet. I sigh. It's still early but I'm not meeting Ogata-san until around eleven tomorrow so maybe I can study some of his kifu after I wake up. Tomorrow I'll be better. I just need to sleep. Ogata-san is not an easy opponent under any circumstances. Still, I know that someday I will surpass him. I think he knows it too. I get up, turn off the light and lie down on my futon. Go is my life. That's all that really matters. I don't need friends.  
  
And I don't need Shindou.  
  
***********   
  
"I have nothing," I say, bowing my head respectfully at my opponent.   
  
"Arigatou gozaimashita."  
  
"Arigatou gozaimashita."  
  
We are sitting in the back of a public game room on the second floor. Although the room is sparsely populated I am surprised to notice that no one has crowded around the table to watch our game. Though I suppose it isn't that unexpected, considering the intensity we usually display during our matches. Still, I would think the opportunity to watch two of the leading players in the go world battle one another would be too tempting to ignore. Even if they *were* frightened of us.  
  
Perhaps Ogata-san mentioned something to the receptionist. I vaguely remember hearing her heard a few people away at the beginning of the game.   
  
Suddenly I notice Ogata-san is looking at me from across the table, studying me as I study the goban. He has an intense interest in anything he suspects might somehow affect his go, no matter how indirectly. I give him a questioning glance but his gaze remains steady and I shrug to myself. I'm used to his scrutiny by now. As the son of his mentor and now as a future challenger, I have been, in one way or another, subject to his looks my entire life. I ignore his silent inspection and begin to examine the game we have just finished.  
  
I wince, staring at the board. It wasn't a bad game. I only lost by one and a half moku. Still, I am disappointed. In the past few years I have grown, so much in fact that I can now defeat Ogata-san one game out of every five. But that is not enough to snatch any of his titles away from him. At least not yet.  
  
He continues to stare at me and I shift uncomfortably in my seat as I feel his eyes burn into me. Ogata-san's gaze has a habit of being unnerving and though I have tried, with general success, to develop an immunity to it, at times even I fall victim to his looks. His eyes gleam behind his tinted glasses as I lift my gaze to meet his and I feel my throat tighten.   
  
Something is wrong.  
  
Normally it seems as if he is memorizing me, filing away potentially useful information to be used against me in a later game. But the face he shows now is different than the one he usually wears when studying me, though I don't know how to describe it. I avert my eyes back to the goban and try to quiet my anxiety by losing myself in the game.  
  
"Are you upset, Touya?" he asks suddenly, ending our mutual silence abruptly.  
  
My head snaps up and I stare at him, dumbfounded.  
  
"Why do you ask, Ogata-san?" I reply when I remember how to speak. I don't know why the question disturbs me, but it does.  
  
"Your go, it was different today," he answers. His voice is calm and emotionless, but there's something about it that tells me that this is more than just a simple observation. I look down to study the goban, knitting my eyebrows in concentration.   
  
It's true. My go was different today. It was less refined yet at the same time more subtle. I frown slightly. This style... it vaguely reminds me of something, though I don't know what and my ignorance disturbs me. Still, the difference is a slight one. I doubt anyone else besides Father and Ogata-san would have been able to notice. Well, maybe-   
  
I shake my head lightly in annoyance and redirect my attention back to the goban. It doesn't matter.  
  
I study the board a few moments longer. My go was different today, it's true, but I don't understand why that would make Ogata-san think I am upset. The game was still rather close; it's not as if I made any huge mistakes.  
  
I lift my gaze to consider him, hoping that perhaps his face will betray his meaning; he looks back at me, expressionless. I give a small sigh. I know far too well that I won't be able to understand Ogata-san's purpose unless he wants me to. He raises an expectant eyebrow and waits for my reply.  
  
"Hai, it was different today," I concede reluctantly. "But I'm not upset."   
  
'It's not a lie,' I tell myself. But somehow I'm not so convinced. Ogata-san stares at me a moment longer, just long enough to let me know he isn't either. Then he raises a finger and points to the goban.  
  
"This move here," he says, indicating a cluster of black and white stones in the upper left hand corner. I look at the board and back at Ogata-san. It was a perfectly reasonable move, though admittedly a little more daring than my usual play. Usually I probably would have cut instead of attaching, but still if you read far enough ahead... Though it's true that particular hand hadn't work out as well as I had hoped. Still it had the potential to be a devastating move had I been playing an opponent even slightly less skilled than Ogata-san. I glare up at him defiantly, waiting to be criticized. "It reminded me of something Shindou Hikaru might have done," he says, watching my facial expression with rapt attention as he speaks each word.  
  
Shindou... Hikaru?   
  
I blink, too stunned to respond. I look at Ogata-san then back at the board.  
  
He's right.  
  
The corners of Ogata-san's mouth twitch.   
  
"We'll discuss this game later," he says after a moment, making to get up to leave. "I have an interview with Amano-san at two."  
  
I nod dumbly, only dimly aware that it is only half past one and we have more than enough time to continue our post game discussion for a while longer. But I really don't want to be around Ogata-san right now, or anyone else for that matter. I'm not sure why, but I am suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to run away from anything even remotely pertaining to go, and Ogata-san has been kind enough to provide me with a welcome excuse to leave. Besides, we've both already memorized this game; it will be a simple matter to recreate and discuss it later.   
  
"Hai," I reply weakly "Goodbye, Ogata-san."  
  
"Goodbye, Touya-kun" he responds, the shadow of a smile flickering across his face as he rises from his chair. I stare at his retreating form as he leaves the game room.  
  
Shindou Hikaru?  
  
I sag back into the seat and stare blankly at the wall, too stunned to do anything else.  
  
Did Ogata-san say....?  
  
I almost smile, though I'm not entirely sure why. I knew that Ogata-san had an interest in Shindou, especially after the 'Sai' incident, but I didn't know he held him in high enough esteem to be able to recognize his technique. I don't know why I am so surprised. After all, Shindou really is almost as skilled as I am even though he's still only a lower-dan - --  
  
My eyes widen in mortification. That's right! He's only a 3-dan. I had forgotten.  
  
I curse. Shindou is here today. Wednesday is game day for the lower-dans, he must be here. I look at the clock. It's only 1:38. Perhaps if I leave quickly I can avoid seeing him. I head towards the elevators and press the down button. It's probably too early for any of the games to be over, but knowing Shindou he'll end it quickly. Especially since his opponent is a lower-dan. I stare down at my shoes as the elevator descends to the ground floor, trying my hardest to think about nothing.   
  
The doors open with a soft 'ping' and I give a sigh of relief as I step into the foyer just before they close. There's no one in sight. The lobby is deserted and I whisper a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god might be listening. Then I hear it: the distinctive sound of a zipper followed by the soft rustling of paper against paper. I stop dead, too horrified to move but silently revising the prayer I had just finished.  
  
Sitting on a chair behind a moderately large (and oh-so conveniently positioned) plant in a darkened corner is none other than my rival, Shindou Hikaru. He's hunched over in his seat, his bleached bangs hanging limply in the air as he continues to riffle through his backpack with a slight frown on his face. His eyes are intense, focused on his task, whatever it might be. He hasn't seen me yet, but that's bound to change soon.   
  
I don't want to talk with him right now, but the doors have already shut behind me and the elevator has made its way up to the next floor. I take a sharp intake of breath and look straight ahead as I walk purposefully towards the exit, hoping that maybe he won't notice as I pass. Or if he does, that he won't say anything.   
  
"Touya!" A familiar voice calls out my name.  
  
I keep my eyes on the door and pretend not to hear him, which is more difficult than you might think because Shindou is so damnably loud.  
  
"Oi, Touya!" I continue walking despite the rustling of cloth rubbing against cloth and the screech of rubber soles on linoleum tile.  
  
"Hey, Touya!" This time the words are accompanied by a hand on my shoulder and I sigh inwardly as I turn around to look at the person attached to the foreign appendage that is demanding my attention. I mean to give him a harsh glare but I'm startled by the intensity of his gaze as my eyes meet his and the glare I had prepared for him turns into something more like a surprised gape. I blink.   
  
"Shindou?" It comes out as a question.   
  
"Geeze, Touya! Why didn't you stop when I called you? Are you deaf or something?" he asks in exasperation.   
  
I look at him. He's trying to smile but he seems tense. I know he's waiting for my response.   
  
"What do you want?" I ask coldly. It sounds harsher than I intend it to.   
  
No. It doesn't.  
  
Still, I can't help but feel a little guilty as his eyes flicker at my words. The fake smile is still on his face though, and the nagging of my conscience is overwhelmed by a sudden anger. Does Shindou really think I'm that stupid?   
  
He looks down at his feet and shoves his hands roughly into his pockets.  
  
"Er..."  
  
I cock an eyebrow impatiently.   
  
"I was wondering if you wanted to play a game." He says awkwardly after a short pause.   
  
"I'm busy right now." I lie, struggling to keep my voice calm. "I have a tutoring session in twenty minutes."  
  
"Oh," he says, and his smile falters a little. But he catches himself and it's there again, brilliant as ever. "What about after?"  
  
God, I hate that counterfeit smile. I feel my eyes harden at the sight of it. Does he honestly believe he's fooling anyone? I grind my teeth in suppressed irritation. I don't like being lied to, and even though he's not using words to do it, Shindou is still lying. I look at him. He's waiting for my reply with that stupid, wretched smile still plastered across his face. I know that he's dreading what my answer will be and staring into those vulnerable eyes I can feel a confirmation forming in the back of my throat. But my gaze is suddenly drawn back to that awful 'smile' of his, and seeing it only adds fuel to my current furry, killing the affirmation before it can pass my lips.  
  
"I can't," I respond tersely. "I promised Ashiwara-san I would go over some kifu with him."   
  
I'm getting the hang of this 'lying' thing myself. I know that I should probably feel guilty, but I don't. He started it, after all.  
  
"Oh..." he answers after a moment and the smile is gone longer this time. I'm almost thankful. Except I know that each time it falters he brings it back a little more brilliantly than before. "Then how about tomorrow?" he asks hopefully, his lips upturned in that counterfeit grin.  
  
"It's a game day," I reply.   
  
That's actually true.  
  
"Gomen, I forgot." he pauses as he reaches a hand up to scratch the back of his head, a nervous habit of his. "Er...about what happened yesterday-- I mean, about Waya and me-"  
  
Oh God. I do NOT want to talk about this.  
  
"Sorry, but I have to go now or I'll be late for my tutoring session." I interrupt coolly before he can get another word in. I don't want to have to suffer through his explanation, or his smiles. I know what happened and it's none of my business.  
  
"Oh, right." He answers, nodding cheerfully.   
  
I almost wince at the spectacle.  
  
"See you soon, Touya" he beams.  
  
Not if there's a God.  
  
"I'll be looking forward to it," I reply politely as I give him an icy smile. He offers me a sheepish half-grin in response that nevertheless makes his entire face seem to glow. And almost involuntarily I feel my own smile thaw. And for an instant I want nothing more than to go with him, just so I can see that smile again. The real one. The one that makes me want to smile back because I know that he's not lying to me; because I know that he's not trying to hide. But only for an instant. Then I remember why I declined his invitation in the first place. And my expression hardens again.  
  
I give him a sharp nod of acknowledgement and without another word turn around and walk towards the exit. I know that he's still standing in the middle of the lobby, watching me. If I don't actually head for the train station he'll know I was lying.   
  
It's still early afternoon, but it feels so much later. I have nothing to do for the rest of the day. I sigh as I go down the stairs, shrugging absently to myself. I haven't seen Isikawa-san in a while, I muse. It would be nice to talk to her, I've missed her lately. I smile approvingly at my own decision as I turn left when I reach the sidewalk and head towards my father's go salon, and away from Shindou Hikaru.   
  
----------------------   
  
Er... whoops ^_^ Time really flies, huh? Heh, heh.*nervous laughter* Gomen about the delay! Please don't blame Datenshi because I'm a slacker! Next time I promise I'll work faster. Anyway, please, please, PLEASE read and review. This is our first joint project and we want to know what you think. Ok? Thanks!  



	3. Lies

**Notes: **"Mirror Image" is a joint project by Datenshi Blue and Jiro. If you read the earlier chapters you already know that every odd chapter is written from Hikaru's POV and every even chapter is written from Akira's POV. So you already know how this works. Thanks for all your reviews and keep them coming!!

** Disclaimers: **We don't even own a Sai plushie. Let alone the characters.

**Warnings: **Yaoi, shounen-ai, angst, and the ever-present cuteness!!

**Chapter 3: Lies.**

He doesn't want to play me.

I've been standing here, in the Nihon Kiin's lobby, like an idiot, for a long time. Or so it seems. I have managed to smile like if there was nothing different between us, while he was here. But I guess Touya knows me better than anybody. Because I am his... Maybe I should say I _was_ his rival. Because now, he doesn't want to play me.

For some reason, that thought is scary. Because he gave my life a sense. It was his passion for this game what made me wake up and, for the first time in my life, ache to achieve something. And suddenly all I wanted was to be noticed by him. To gain his respect. To be acknowledged. Because he only saw Sai in me...

How it hurt. How jealous I was. Seeing the happy face of Sai each time he played drove me mad. Watching him win one game after another made me want to cry. I hated when people thought Sai was me, because the only thing I did those times was laying stones as he told me. I hated the looks of the people who were being crushed by Sai. The scared eyes that looked at me (_S__ai_), wondering who the hell I (_Sai_) was. I also hated the dazed eyes that looked at me (_but once again, it was Sai_)in awe. The greedy eyes of the go players who know what the Hand of God is, and that I (_Sai_) was a mean to reach it. I hated all that because I was just a moron. Because I had no strength. Because I longed for Touya to look at me (_not Sai_) in that way. I loved Sai and I hated him, because he had the strength I was lacking. And I punished him not letting him play. How shameful. How selfish. How foolish. How stupid can I get? Lots of times I wished I was Sai, to be worth of Touya. I only wanted to be worth of him. To find my own way. Even if that meant pushing Sai aside. Even if Sai's go is inside my go, even if he is inside me, I'm so weak compared to him... God, it's so damn frustrating...

Now it all is gone. Touya is so disappointed on me that he doesn't even want to play me. And I feel even guiltier because I sacrificed Sai for a dream that is suddenly fading away.

The 'ping' of the elevator startles me. I start walking towards the exit, so that the people who are going to come out of it don't think there's something wrong with me.

'Ah, Shindou-kun!', a voice calls me. I turn around to find out that Ogata-sensei and Amano-san are walking towards me.

'Good afternoon, Ogata-sensei. Amano-san...', I say with a neutral tone of voice.

'How was your game?', Amano-san asks me politely.

'I won.'

'As expected...', Ogata-sensei says. That flatters me. Ogata-sensei isn't one to give compliments. He's looking at me intently, though. I can't help but look away. He has always disturbed me. He has those dark and deep kind of eyes that seek for your secrets and grasp them and then he smirks as he lets you know, without saying a word, that he will be using your weaknesses to behead you... without remorse. And he is studying me with those eyes right now. Usually I would gather all my courage and I would look back at him, because I'm now a strong pro, even if I am still a lower-dan. But my spirit is crushed by Touya's cold eyes. And the unbearable thought of not being able to play him ever again. "Well, then..." Ogata-sensei says. That makes me lift my face to look up at him. There is an amused smile on his lips. It lingers there a while longer, while he and Amano-san walk out of the building. Just as the door is about closing after them, he turns around slightly to look at me again. That damned amused smile is even worse than his scary eyes. It makes me feel that he knows something I don't. Feeling a chill I lift my hand to grasp the strap of my backpack, and I compel my feet to walk towards the door.

'Shindou!!' I stop and turn around again.

Waya and Isumi-san are walking out of the elevator. Waya is smiling and waving his hand, while Isumi-san is avoiding my eyes. He has been doing that all the morning. I wonder if it has something to do with what happened yesterday. Beats me... No, really, it's like everything is upside down, and I don't know where I did go wrong.

As Waya runs towards me, I look at the floor. He wraps his arm around my shoulders as he reaches me and pushes me towards the door. Isumi-san follows us without saying a word.

I smile at Waya and get away from him. He doesn't seem to care, that big smile still on his lips. I turn around to look at Isumi. He looks away one more time. It is starting to piss me off.

'Did you win?' I ask Waya, who is talking non-stop about something. I haven't been really listening to him. I smile guiltly as he frowns and tells me that he has already told me that he did. I, then, look at Isumi-san, 'What about you?'

Isumi-san finally looks at me. He looks confused and kind of pained.

'I won too.'

Waya says something about going to celebrate that we all won. I'm not feeling like celebrating anything. Knowing that the person who means almost everything to me (career-wise, I mean) doesn't want to play me is really _bothering _ me. I wince at this thought. Hey, listen to me. I'm sounding like a moping boyfriend, or something like that...

... Yeah, right.

It's too late now to stop the train of thoughts. That little show at my apartment comes crawling into my head again. I don't want to think about that. I really don't want. It's bad enough that, after seeing Isumi-san's and Touya's reactions, I'm starting to understand what they think they saw there. But... I shake my head. No, I don't want to think about Waya sort of hitting on me...

Well done, me. There goes the blushing thing again. I must be wrong...

Or sick.

Or both.

'Gomen' I say, managing to smile at them. At least apologetically. Both Waya and Isumi-san are looking at me now. 'I mean... I... well, have something to do...' Waya seems desolated. Now Isumi-san looks discontent, Waya desolated, and Touya hates me. I must be a jerk. I sigh inwardly as I try to smile once again, 'Ne, guys, let's meet later, OK? Let's go have dinner. My treat.' Not only I am a jerk, I sound like one too.

But Waya is smiling me back, nodding.

I, then, turn around, and run away from them. The relief overwhelms me.

Now, I also _feel_ like a jerk.

I walk and walk while I try to understand what is going on around me. My steps are taking me to Touya's go salon. If he had a tutoring session, he surely is there. If he is going to discuss some kifu with Ashiwara-san, he will probably do it there too. I wonder how I should approach him to not feel like a complete idiot, and that's hard because I've been feeling like one for almost 24 hours in a row, now.

Ah, that's right! The umbrella. I take my backpack off my shoulders and look inside. Yeah, it is there. I should have given it to him when I stopped him in the Nihon Kiin. But he was ignoring me in such a blatant way that it totally slipped my mind. I don't really know if it is a good idea. I found it laying on the floor when I came home from Shuusaku's grave last night. I think he was so shocked that he dropped it when... when...

Way to go, me. That's the spirit. Crush yourself in front of the door of Touya's go salon. Make it so that you'll be too embarrassed to even speak a word when you face him. What if Touya doesn't want to talk to me? He has been specially cold today. Ok, I know that thing with Waya was weird. But even if it is like that, why would he be so angry about it?

I lean my back against the wall of the building, while I try to get a hold on myself.

Sure I forgot to tell him I was moving.

But that's only because we are always playing when we're together, and I am so concentrated those times on our game that I forget about everything else. I set my mind, all my body, on the battle over the goban. I watch him play each hand, trying to read as far as I am able to guess what he is up to. I try to look for the answers in his eyes, as well as his hands, so how would I be thinking about my new apartment? We also end every game fighting. And I always leave all fired up. Come on, it's not that weird that I forgot to mention it. 

Alright. I'll apologize for not having told him. And everything will be alright.

With that resolution I enter the building, trying to keep that little scornful voice that tells me that he's also bothered by what happened with Waya quiet.

What _they_ think that happened with Waya, I think stubbornly. Because everything is a misunderstanding, and Waya wasn't about to kiss me.

I stop dead.

Kiss me? Where did that come from?

I'm blushing so hard that I think the steam is going to come up in spirals out of my ears.

I think I'm going crazy. For God's sake, Waya is a guy. I am a guy. There's no way that would happen.

With a deaf anger (directed only at me) I shake my head, trying to calm down. And I walk into the go salon. Ishikawa-san (I think that's her name) greets me, and I show her one of my best smiles. She tells me Akira-kun is on the back of the salon. I remember the place, it's where we played our first... where Sai and Touya played their first game. For some reason, in these two years I've been coming here to play him, we have never gone to that dark corner to play.

'Is he still playing shidougo?' I ask her. I don't really want to be a nuisance. Not that it really matters, since I can just watch the game as they play, but even...

'Shidougo?' she is laughing. 'No way. Akira-kun has been alone since he came. He asked me if someone came asking for a tutoring lesson to tell them that he was busy...'

This is worse than what I expected. I clench my fist in anger. He lied when he said he had a tutoring session. Does he hate me that much? I think it's the first time I've seen Touya lying. It's so disturbing I don't even know what to make of it. 

'Ah... Thank you...', I don't know what else to say. So I walk towards that dark corner. I can watch him from here. His head is bowed, looking at the goban in concentration. I wonder if he is recreating some game. I can't remember who is he scheduled to play tomorrow.

I stop in front of him, but he's so deep into the game that he doesn't notice. I look at the patterns in the goban. And then I hold my breath, as I recognize it as our first game after Sai disappeared. I'm a bit shocked. I mean, I thought he was so mad at me that he didn't want to... well, I don't know what I mean, but I sure wasn't expecting him to be recreating our game. That's almost enough to make my anger go away. Almost.

'Yo!', I say with a big smile. I'm fuming, but he doesn't need to know that right now.

Touya's head snaps up and he looks at me with an amusing expression on his features. My smile widens. Really. That expression is worth of a picture or something. But he reacts pretty fast. As expected from him. His hands are skillfully returning the stones to their go ke.

'Seems the tutoring session ended pretty soon...' He's the one who lied. I don't feel guilty for teasing him about it. His hand twitches and one of the stones falls, making a little crashing sound as it hits the floor. I reach for it and as I'm going to drop it into its go ke, my hand bumps into his hand. For a moment, I think he's going to drop all the stones he's holding, but he frowns and let them fall into their casks without saying anything. I look at my watch.

'When is Ashiwara-san coming?' I ask. I don't know if he was also lying about that. But there's a chance he wasn't. So I want to know how much time I have to tease him, apologize and try to take it all back to how it was before. I know I should have asked if he had some time before Ashiwara-san's arrival, but I'm not feeling like being polite right now. I don't give a damn about what I should be saying. He is lying to me. And I didn't lie to him. He didn't even give me the chance to.

Touya doesn't lift his face to look at me.

'A... any minute...' he says softly.

He is lying.

I'm getting all worked up again.

I take my backpack off my shoulders. I haven't left it with Ishikawa-san because I didn't think we would be playing. I take the umbrella out of it, and hand it to him.

'Yesterday, you... forgot this at my place...' forgot... what a nice way to say it. Maybe I should have said dropped. So much for teasing him. And I don't really think that would be teasing _only_ him.

'Oh... Thank you.' he takes the umbrella and looks at me. Part of the coldness he was filling his eyes with before is gone. And I feel thankful. Because it's way too difficult to face him like that. Touya looks behind me, as if really waiting that Ashiwara-san will be coming here any minute.

'He isn't coming, right?' I draw my hand to my mouth. I was thinking that. But I didn't mean to say it out loud. Anyway, I don't care. He's being a jerk. He deserves it...

Touya then snaps out. He is frowning and looking at me really angry.

'Why are you stalking me?' he asks with a loud voice.

The irony of those words doesn't go unnoticed.

'You lied!' I say, also with a loud voice. I know it's childish, but it's the only thing that comes out of my mouth. And I've been being an idiot for 24 hours, so who cares?

'So what?' he asks me. 'It's not like you've never lied to me before!!!' he is really mad at me. He is standing now, his hands slammed against the table, his eyes piercing through my own eyes.

'So... so what???', I ask. I can't believe this. 'Oh, well, GREAT!! And here I thought you were my friend!' I shout, slamming my hands against the table too.

I can see the words die in his throat before he can say them. For some seconds we are both silent. I can see a shadow of something like hope in his eyes. But it is soon gone. And I must admit he has a point there. I lied. Not only to him, but to everybody. But that was different! And that has nothing to do with this, dammit! He looks away with pride. And that pisses me off even more. I frown deeper.

'You say that... but you didn't even tell me you were moving', he scowls.

Still, I think his voice is sort of shivering.

'Yeah, you're right. I forgot. It totally slipped my mind. I apologize about that.' I concede, still watching him intently.

He looks at me, then. I can see he doesn't believe me.

'I'm telling the truth!' I shout. 'I just forgot!'

'But you told them! And he was even helping you with your...' his voice trails off.

I blush.

I know we are thinking the same right now.

'About that...' I start again. I tried to tell him this morning, but he wouldn't let me.

'It's none of my business...' he says, turning around.

'Then why are you so mad about it!!!', I shout again. I really don't understand him.

'I am not mad about it!!'

We are being childish. This is like our fights after a go game, but even worse. Thanks God, we are on the back of the salon and the people can't hear everything. I wipe my forehead with my hand, sighing.

'Anyway, about what happened there with Waya... it is not...' I try again.

'I told you it's none of my business!', he interrupts me. There's not only rage in his eyes now. But I don't know what is that I see there. Still it makes his eyes sort of glow, and I have to look away, because I think I'm going to drown in them. It's like looking into Ogata-sensei's eyes, but adding something like excitement, hope and a big loss to the fear and resolution.

Feeling the anger burning inside me, I decide that this is too much. He doesn't want to listen to me. So there's no point in trying to shout louder than he.

'Alright, then.' I say, with a voice so cold that it even sounds strange to my own ears.

I take my backpack and stomp towards the exit. I'm really pissed off. This is not solving anything. I would say we're even worse than before I came here. Something inside me is waiting for him to call my name. But I know that won't happen. So I walk before Ishikawa-san (if that's her name at all) fuming and she tries to smile. I guess she just watches this as one of our fights. But I don't have to be really smart to know there's a difference. Even if I don't know what that difference is.

It takes me some time to calm down after leaving Touya's go salon. I feel so angry and upset at the same time. I take the train to my house. When I get there, I look at the mess that my living-room is in. I have barely unpacked the main stuff, so there are lots of boxes around that needs to be taken care of. Waya offered to come here today to help me with it. I turned him down, because I was really confused about what had happened, and wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible to go to Shuusaku's grave. But now I think I can use some help. It's not a big apartment. It only has a room, a huge living room, a bathroom and a big kitchen. But still it's difficult to fit everything there. I have absolutely no sense of decoration so I'm rather lost about all this.

Well, it's only around 5. I grab my cellphone and call Waya. He assures me he will be here with Isumi-san in less than thirty minutes. They will help me with this if I take them both out to dine afterwards. I agree. 

Seems the day is getting better. 

While I wait for them, I take Shuusaku's goban and set it on my room, at my futon's side. I caress the smooth surface, thinking about Sai. Lately I've been thinking about him a lot. After that last dream in which Sai would only smile somewhat sadly while I told him about my game with Touya, I have never ever dreamt of him again. Sometimes it seems so unreal that I think it was all a trick of my mind. 

The ring of the door startles me and I run to open it. A happy Waya and a less brooding Isumi-san greet me. 

'What the... Oi, Shindou, this is awful!!!' Waya is saying, looking around him. 'How could you set the table here? Come on!'

He starts moving the furniture and I find myself making a mental note of thinking it twice before asking Waya for help again. Isumi-san laughs and helps me lift a heavy box to place it over the table.

I wonder if I should make a remark about him being in a better mood. But I don't want to spoil it, so I just nod when he asks me if all the plates and glasses should be taken to the kitchen. We open a box filled with books next.

'Books?' Isumi-san asks with a surprised look.

'Aa...' I say absently while searching for the bookcase. Waya has set it against the wall, in front of the table that is now near the window. Alright, it looks better this way. I really have no sense of decoration. 

'Ne, Waya, did you know Shindou-kun can read?' Isumi-san says mockingly.

I sigh.

'Yeah, manga' Waya answers teasing me.

I roll my eyes while taking some of the books and placing them in the bookcase.

'No, real books...' Isumi-san adds with a fake look of amazement.

'You mean, kifu's collections, right?'

I'm starting to clench my fists.

'No... they are western classics... and there are some Japanese classics too...' now he sounds genuinely amazed. The truth is that I bought those classics because Sai asked me to. Anyway I have read them all. Some of them two or three times already. Sai even met some of these authors when he was alive. Reading them makes me feel him closer to me. So I guess some of these books are like old friends of mine.

'At least they are not written in classical Japanese' Waya says while flipping through the pages of one of the books. I take it from his hands and set it on the bookcase.

'Oi, stop messing around. There's still a lot to do!' I say, going to grab the next box.

There is not much furniture. I have placed the shelfs I had in my old room in my new room. Mama took the fridge I had there and moved it to the garage. I won't be needing a fridge in my room anymore, I think. And this is a Japanese style apartment, so there's not many things I can decorate it with. Waya and Isumi-san have given a little indoor plant to me, like a housewarming present. I place it on the table. 

Almost everything is settled now. I sigh smiling slightly. This has been a lot easier than expected. They have been a great help. They have earned the dinner. I wrap my arms around both their shoulders and smile teasingly.

'Now let's go ramen!'

Waya puts his hand around my waist, laughing.

'No way in hell. We'll have sushi.'

Isumi-san looks away not wanting to get into the fight.

'I'm the one paying! We'll have ramen!'

Waya frowns.

'I moved all the furniture by myself! And I want sushi!'

I laugh as we walk out of my house. I turn around to lock the door. Waya turns around too, to not let go of my waist. I blush. I don't want to think that's any special. But that's hard to do considering all facts. 

'Fine. We'll have sushi' I concede, mainly because I'm nervous. I can see Isumi-san going pale with the corner of my eye. So I'm not the only one thinking that Waya's behaviour is weird. 

After locking the door, I walk up to Isumi-san and Waya lets go of me. 

We all start walking towards Waya's favourite sushi restaurant. Even though we are all joking and laughing, I can sense a weird atmosphere surrounding us. And Isumi-san is sending angsty looks in Waya's direction every few minutes.

I really would like to know what's going on. I hate being clueless.

We take a seat at the restaurant and order some food. After a while, Waya frowns, looking at me like if he was going to kill me.

'Nani?' I say, with an innocent face.

'You-ate-the-salmon', he says, approaching his face to mine.

I smile apologetically.

'You were way too busy telling us about that stuff that nobody cares about. Your own fault...', I tease him. A waitress brings us some desserts.

He picks the cherry out of _my_ ice-cream and eats it slowly in front of me. Isumi-san actually makes a sort of strangled sound when he sees this.

I blush. 

I don't know why I'm blushing. It's like the look in his eyes, and the movements of his wet lips are disturbing me. And suddenly I imagine Touya in his place. I shrug and stand up muttering an apology. I rush to the bathroom and start washing my face. Touya eating a cherry in a sexy way? S... s... sexy way? Damn, what's wrong with me? Waya's wasn't even a sexy way! He was just teasing me. It was _my_ cherry. I knew ordering ice-cream was a mistake... I'm way too old to eat that stuff. It's..._girly_. And my hormones are giving me a hard time, lately.

The door of the bathroom opens at my back. And as I lift my face, I can see through the mirror that Waya is standing behind me, with a worried look in his face. He puts a hand in my shoulder.

'Shindou? Are you ok?' he says, his eyes filled with concern.

I feel the blood rushing to my face again and I look away.

He takes another step towards me. His chest is almost touching my back.

I think I'm sick. I mean, surely Waya has always been like that, but since that weird thing yesterday, I sort of see lots of intentions in every movement he does. I smile nervously and I'm about to get away from him rudely. But I feel bad about it, because Waya _is_ my friend. So I stay like that for some more seconds, looking at him through the mirror, and noticing how my face almost glows, so red it is. He is looking at me seriously, and as he is about to speak, I smile gently and get away from him, walking out of the bathroom.

There's a mortified look on Isumi-san's face. Some minutes later, he excuses himself, saying that he doesn't feel well, and leaves. Waya and I are left alone. I don't know why, things seems to lighten after that. And when we leave the restaurant, we are both laughing out loud, and having a _great_ time. Once again, Waya has been able to fix my day.

And laughing and pushing each other like kids we walk into the night.

TBC

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Ok, and now, assuming that you have read all the way here, review, review, review!!! Please? Thanks!


	4. Confusion

**Notes:** You know the drill: "Mirror Image" is a joint project between Datenshi Blue ::applause:: and Jiro ::...crickets...:: Er, yeah. Anyway, there's some over-lapping in this segment because the chapter begins at the end of the confrontation between Hikaru and Akira. So there might be a _*tincey*_ bit of repetitiveness here, but it shouldn't be too bad.   
  
**Warnings:** Shonen-ai, angst. NO YAOI THIS CHAPTER, FOLKS! Just Akira sulking. He's good at that, after all (but damn is it annoying to write some times ^_^). Oh, and I was sick when I wrote this...and it shows.   
  
**Disclaimer:** If we owned "Hikaru no Go" this wouldn't be a fanfic.  
  
  
**Chapter 4: Confusion  
**  
  
  
"All right then," Shindou says in an icy voice that's too cold to be his. But it is and I wince at the sound, wishing I could say something to make the hardness leave his voice. But I'm too shocked to do anything more than stare as he lifts his bag off the floor, slings it over his shoulder, and turns to go. I blink stupidly before realizing he's ended the conversation, and a wave of panic suddenly washes over me.  
  
He can't leave like this, I won't let him.  
  
My mouth opens to shout his name. To apologize. To call him an idiot. To say _anything_ to keep him from leaving.   
  
But the words refuse to come, and a dry, choking sound is the only thing that escapes my mouth as I watch him stomp across the salon towards the exit, bumping into the reception desk as he goes.  
  
Ishikawa looks up as he passes, the shock on her face turning into one of exasperated amusement when she sees it's only Shindou storming out the door. She shakes her head in mock disappointment before turning her full attention back to the man waiting at the counter. The customers don't seem to notice as the door slams loudly against its frame, casing the bells to crack angrily against the glass, and my chest tightens. They think this was just another petty, childish argument. That Shindou will be back tomorrow, or maybe the next day, and everything will be like it's always been. But I know better; this was serious. It had to be if it could make Shindou so furious; if it could make _me_ so uneasy. I slide back down into the chair, staring after him dumbly in disbelief.  
  
He left.  
  
I wasn't prepared for him to leave like that. I wasn't prepared for him to come, either. But he did it just the same.  
  
I shift uncomfortably in my seat and stare at my calloused hands. They're the hands of a go player, and unable to think of anything better to do, I use them how they are meant to be used. Dipping my hand into the nearest cask, I pull out a black stone and run the smooth plastic between my thumb and index fingers as I listen to the soft, steady sounds that fill the salon.  
  
'pachi'  
  
'pachi'  
  
The dull clack of plastic on wood is oddly comforting, and I lean over to place the stone in my hand on the goban, adding my own voice to the noise. My muscles relax; thoughts enveloping me like a warm blanket as my mind falls into the steady rhythms of the game. Patterns begin to form on the grid below and I study them, calculating and strategizing even though I know the final shape they'll take. I need to keep my attention on the board, on the game. But in the back of my mind, just under the surface, the feeling of unease is growing. But I ignore it and place another stone.  
  
'pachi'  
  
A nostalgic smile tugs at my lips as I examine the board before me. Black and white stones battling fiercely, with equal passion and nearly equal skill. The game isn't half-way through yet, but the ability of both players is evident. It's exciting, the outcome of the battle's too close to call and I smile again. It's rare to see a game like this take place between two professionals who rank any lower than 6-dan.   
  
'pachi'  
  
'pachi'  
  
I stare at the black, smooth oval clasped in my hand for a moment before I let my eyes drift lazily across the table and finally come to a rest on the umbrella sitting beside the go ke. I glare at it resentfully for a moment before sighing heavily. It's my own fault Shindou found out; Father's salon is obviously the place to go if you want to return something to me. I should have known not to come here after lying so blatantly to him, but I had forgotten about the umbrella.   
  
I don't know how long I've been sitting here like this. An hour? Two? It doesn't matter, really. But I haven't finished recreating a single game yet; though that doesn't necessarily mean anything. My mind's been reeling; my thoughts tripping over each other and mixing together until I can't tell one idea from the next. I dip my empty hand into the nearest cask and pull out a white stone before leaning forward to lay it on the goban.  
  
'pachi'  
  
I shouldn't have lied in the first place, I know that. But I could barely even look at him let alone play him. Lying was just so much easier and I was so mad I didn't care, but I don't even know why I was so angry to begin with.  
  
The image of him and Waya on the floor in his apartment creeps into my mind again and I flinch as I push it away. It's none of my business and it has nothing to do with this, I remind myself firmly. I thought he was my _friend_ but he didn't tell me-  
  
~"I forgot. It totally slipped my mind."~  
  
But still, in my mind all I can see was Shindou strartling Waya, one hand clutching his waist and the other cupping his cheek. He didn't just 'forget'. He lied to me. But he seemed so earnest...  
  
~"I'm telling the truth! I just forgot!"~  
  
Maybe he really did just forget. He's like that sometimes. No matter what I didn't have the right to lie to him, he has a right to be angry with me. Shindou thought I was his friend, he said as much. But I was the one to lie to him, not the other way around. I sigh heavily, thinking. I knew even then I was being unreasonable, but I didn't care. And now I may have just done something completely irreversible. I might have ruined our friendship, worse our RIVALRY, over something as petty as not being told he was moving.   
  
No. That wasn't it. That wasn't the reason I was so upset. I don't know what the reason was but that wa-  
  
"Touya-kuuuuun!"   
  
My head snaps up at the sound of my name as I'm ripped from my thoughts. I blink, mildly confused as I look up at the figure of my father's youngest disciple standing before me. I growl inwardly. I don't want to be disturbed and Ishikawa agreed to keep the customers at bay, but somehow the young pro seemed to slip past her radar. Leaning backwards in my chair I look behind my friend at Ishikawa, asking her the question with my eyes and frowning as she gives me a helpless shrug in reply. Sighing softly I look up at the man at my side and force a smile to my lips.  
  
"Ah- Ashiwara-san, hello," I say, nodding my head in recognition. The irony that he would show up _now_ doesn't escape me and I lower my gaze to glare at the umbrella again. But the wavy haired man smiles easily in response, oblivious to my mood.   
  
"Are you busy?" he asks cheerfully, making a small gesture at the half played game resting on the goban. I look down, blushing as I realize I've started to recreate that game all over again. It's the only game I seem to think of lately.  
  
"Not really," I answer flatly, silently willing my friend to go away.  
  
"Great!" he beams, "Ogata-san canceled on me again, so I have no one to practice with." I flash him an understanding smile but blanch when he takes the seat across from mine, apparently interpreting my sympathy as an offer to take the Ouza's place.   
  
"Uh-" I stammer, wracking my brain for a reason not to play right now. But any excuse is wiped from my mind when Ashiwara leans in closer to the goban, a glimmer of recognition shining faintly in his eyes as he studies the incomplete game that sits between us. I'm not sure why I don't want him to know I've been recreating my first professional game against Shindou, but the desire to hide it from him is overwhelming and at the moment I don't care about the reason behind it. My mouth goes dry and I look up at him anxiously only to see him with his eyebrows knit together in concentration while he tries to place the game. Unbidden, my hands fly out onto the board, clearing it before the wavy haired pro can examine it any further. Surprised, Ashiwara looks up at me but his expression remains the same.  
  
"Touya-kun," he begins but pauses hesitantly, still searching through the index of his mind. My stomach lurches, because I know what he's going to ask next. Desperate, I shove my hands into the go ke and take out a fist full of stones.   
  
"Nigiri," I say, purposely ignoring his comment as I hold my hand over the goban expectantly.  
  
"Ah- H- hai!" Ashiwara nods, startled as he reaches into the other cask and pulls out stones of his own. He wins black.  
  
"Please!" we say in unison and begin our battle.  
  
I sigh in relief as Ashiwara's eyes gloss over in thought, his entire being focused on the game at hand. And for once I'm thankful that outside of an actual go match he has the attention span of a goldfish. I watch as he places the first stone and begin to consider my response, slowly becoming enveloped by the game.  
  
"Arimasen" Ashiwara says, nearly an hour later.  
  
"Arigatou gozaimashita."  
  
"Arigatou gozaimashita."  
  
I lean back from the table, the world slowly coming back into focus as I look up from the goban. It's only then I notice the group of customers that has crowded around the table during our game, and I stare at them in mild disbelief. I've become used to playing and discussing my games at Father's salon without being surrounded by a throng of onlookers. Though normally I play Shindou here. I hide my surprise well, ignoring the group of spectators like I usually would as I begin the post-game discussion.  
  
"You played well over all," I say resolutely "But you paid too much attention to your territory in the right hand corner."  
  
"Hai," he agrees "I neglected your attacks in the center and lost control over the rest of the board." The crowd looks on, a slight murmur issuing from the men huddling around the table.  
  
"It's nice to see the young master play against a worthy opponent," I hear Kitajima say loudly to the man standing next to him, distracting me from my thoughts. I glare at him from the corner of my eye for a moment before redirecting my attention back to the game. I know what he means, but I chose to ignore it. Today of all days I have no right to criticize him for judging my rival unfairly. So I bend my head lower over the goban, trying to ignore the comments and focus on the discussion with Ashiwara.  
  
"- still only a 3-dan and he's been a pro for 4 years!" I suppress a wince as I narrow my eyes on the patterns in front of me.   
  
"If I had used a kiema move here," Ashiwara says pointing to the lower left hand corner "then I could hav-"  
  
"But isn't he Touya-sensei's rival?"  
  
I lean in closer to the board to stare at the game, hoping to drown out the noise and the comments. A stone in the upper left hand corner during the first few moves might have strengthened white's hold-  
  
"Ah- but that would have strengthened black's territory in the middle," I reply.  
  
"He shouldn't even be compared to- " I clench my fists, unable to bear it anymore.   
  
"Gomen, Ashiwara-san. I have to leave," I announce abruptly, drowning out the next insult before it can reach my ears. I stand up, pushing off the table as my chair scrapes against the tiled floor loudly. Kitajima stares at me, his mouth still open about to form more derogatory words at my rival's expense. I glare at him slightly, causing him to close his mouth in response.  
  
I know Kitajima is a fan of mine, I know he berates Shindou for my sake; but sometimes he takes things too far. Even as angry as I am, I can't suffer listening to people like Kitajima insult him. But after what I've done today I can't criticize them for underestimating Shindou, I did much worse. But I can't stand to listen to it either.   
  
"Ah-but wha-" Ashiwara starts to protest.  
  
"We'll discuss the game next time," I assure him with a faint smile and he nods in agreement, the surprise still lingering on his face. Without another word I head towards the door, pausing only to smile slightly at Ishikawa as she hands me my bag.   
  
"G-goodbye, Akira-kun" she says startled, concern faintly etched across her features. I nod in response, not trusting myself to do anything more, and leave the salon.   
  
It's nice out tonight, the cool breeze feels soft against my skin. I glance up aimlessly, letting my mind wander and my feet lead me home. It's a clear night. You could probably even see the stars if they weren't hidden behind the smog and buildings of Tokyo. My apartment is a train stop away, and I find myself thinking about Shindou again on my journey home. My mind still on this afternoon and the incident at Father's salon, I enter my home and head towards the kitchen.  
  
Opening the cupboards in my kitchen I'm annoyed to find them bare, yet again. With a scowl I pick my money clip off the table, shoving it in my back pocket before I leave my apartment. I could go to the sushi restaurant a few blocks over, or the ramen stand down the block. But neither option appeals to me and instead I decide to make my way to the grocery story nearby.  
  
I retrieve my purchases quickly, hastily throwing all of them in paper bags before I leave the store. The three bags, brimming over with items, slightly obstruct my view, but But I continue to walk down the not-so-crowded sidewalk, confidant I can walk the seven blocks to my building. I smile lightly at myself. This is probably something Shindou would do, carrying more than he could handle. 

Suddenly I run into something, soft but unyielding, and I stumble backwards with a muffled 'oof', spilling the contents of my bag.  
  
Kuso. I was so wrapped up in my own little world I forgot to watch where I was going.   
  
"Gomen! I wasn't paying attention!" comes a distressed apology and I take a step back to balance myself, blinking up at the victim of my inattention and wondering why _he_ is apologizing to _me_?   
  
"Here, let me help you!" he says bending down to pick up the mushed box of pocky and dented cans of vegetables that have spilled onto the sidewalk. I shake my head lightly, still mildly disoriented, and kneel down beside him to help. Glancing up from my task to look at the man as we place the groceries in the torn paper bag, I wonder if we know each other from somewhere. I know there's something familiar about his voice but I can't see his face. "Here, you go--" he mutters embarrassedly, handing me one of the bags as we stand up. My eyes widen in shock as I look at him; he almost drops the bag again.  
  
"Isumi-san," I manage somewhat awkwardly, trying my best to hide my surprise. His eyes are slightly puffy and his nose is raw.   
  
"Ah- Touya-san!" the other pro stammers, his face burning with embarrassment as he fumbles for a better hold on the shopping bag. I shift my own load and reach out to help him. My cans are already dented as it is, any more abuse and I doubt I'll be able to open them. "Gomen, I wasn't looking," he says once my groceries are no longer in immediate danger and gives an apologetic smile at the three bags now resting in my arms, two of which are torn. "Do you need help getting them to your apartment?" he asks with concern.  
  
"Oh. My apartment is only six blocks from here. I can bring them back myself," I reply. I'm not going to let Isumi carry my bags home. It's my fault they're torn, not his.   
  
"..."   
  
"Oh, alright," he says, still eying the precarious load in my arms like he's not quite sure he believes me. I mentally sigh in relief and open my mouth to say good-bye before he can change his mind but I stop as a loud tearing noise fills the sidewalk and the gash in my bag widens, sending the contents tumbling out. I wince as they hit the cement with a loud 'smack' and make a mental note not to drink the soda any time soon.   
  
"Let me help you," the older pro says, his voice embarrassed but firm, as he leans over to pick up the loose cans of soda and bags of rice. I look down at my battered groceries lying on the ground, then up to my mangled bag, and finally back to Isumi. There's no way I can manage to bring all this food home by myself, and I stifle a small sigh.  
  
"Arigatou gozaimasu" I say, defeated and he takes the tattered bag from me, placing the items in it as best he can. I wait patiently for Isumi to get ready and it's only after the bag is full again and its contents secure that I turn to go home.  
  
"It's this way," I tell him, jerking my head slightly in the direction I was going before the incident. He nods, falling in step beside me as we head down the street. It's not too crowded tonight so it's easy enough to walk side by side. I remain quiet and keep my eyes ahead, not knowing what to say to one of my rival's closest friends. Especially after what happened earlier today. I shift my bags awkwardly in my arms, and I'm very aware of how quiet it is between us.  
  
"So...How's your father?" Isumi asks, breaking the awkward silence.  
  
"He's well," I reply automatically, I'm asked so often it's become a reflex.  
  
"He's living in China now, right?"   
  
"Hai," Father's decision to move there permanently was almost as widely talked about in the go world as his retirement. "He's agreed to train some of their more talented pupils at the Chinese Go Institute." I add and I glance at him over my packages in mild concern when his stride falters for a moment at this news. That hasn't been released to the public yet, but it will be in a few days. A week at the most.   
  
"He's working with Yang Hai-san and Li-sensei?" he replies softly in surprise. "They didn't tell me that."  
  
"You know them?" I ask, genuinely curious; father has mentioned those names before. Isumi nods, grinning slightly.  
  
"Hai. I studied there before I became a pro. I even go back once every two years," he answers easily and I turn my head to look at him. I hadn't known that. "I have a picture from my last visit," he says, shifting the bag in his arms to shove a hand in his back pocket. Handing me a worn leather wallet, he flips it open to a photo of a group of young pros standing in front of a large building. I assume it's the Chinese Go Institute. "Yang Hai-san taught me a lot, he even let me sleep in his room for free the first time I was there." I lean over as we walk to see the picture in his hand. "He's the third one on the right," Isumi says, pointing to a tall dark haired pro in a... colorful tropical shirt. I nod, glad to finally have a face to put to the stories and I absently let my eyes wander over the faces in the crowd; they're suddenly drawn to the sight of a familiar tuft of unruly red hair.  
  
"Waya went with you to China?" I ask, genuinely curious, as I stare pointedly at the smiling red head clinging to Isumi's arm. The older pro blinks at me in slight confusion before glancing down at the picture again. I nearly drop my bags at the sound of his laughter when he realizes what I mean. I look at him, more confused now than ever and he grins, still chuckling as he tries to explain.  
  
"Ah- no that's Le Ping," he manages to say. "He's another pro in China."   
  
I lower my head to stare back down at the picture.   
  
"Are you sure?" I ask incredulously. "They look exactly alike,"   
  
"Not exactly," Isumi replies, straining to reign in a smile. I raise a skeptical eyebrow; they look alike to me. "Le Ping has an outie belly button, Waya has an innie."   
  
"Oh," is all I can manage to say. I don't think I want to find out how he knows that. Blushing slightly at the expression on my face, Isumi smiles and shakes his head.  
  
"The last time Le Ping came to Japan he practically ripped Waya's shirt off trying to see his belly-button." He's laughing so hard now that I can't really understand what he's saying anymore, but I gather Waya didn't take it too well. And I can't help but chuckle slightly at the image.   
  
"This is it," I tell him as we approach my building and he follows me into the lobby. Once inside we call for the elevator and it doesn't take more than a minute for the doors to open; I press the button for the third floor. I give Isumi an appreciative nod and he gives me a small smile in return. The walk here was relatively short but surprising pleasant considering my mood. And I'm glad because in an odd way it makes feel better, knowing that at least one of Shindou's friends doesn't hate me. The elevator comes to a halt and we walk down the brightly lit hallway to my apartment. I open the door, awkwardly balancing my parcels in my arms as I invite the older pro in with a nod and lead the way into the kitchen. Putting my load on the counter I turn to help Isumi but he's already placed his bag on the table, letting the food spill out onto the counter top.  
  
"Arigatou," I say again, sincerely thankful for his help.  
  
"That's alright. I didn't have anything better to do," he answers, forcing a pained smile to his face. He suddenly seems sad, but I don't ask him about it. It's his business; if he wants to tell me he'll do it on his own. "Ah-I should get going," he says softly as he sees the digital clock on my microwave. It reads 10:49. I nod and walk him to the door. "Good night, Touya-san." he says as he leaves.  
  
"Good night." I reply with a small smile, shutting the door behind him and heading back to the kitchen. I want to put the food away and go to sleep. Reaching for the container of dried noodles on the table, I pause. Sitting on the table, slightly covered by a bag of rice, is Isumi's wallet. I must not have given it back to him when he showed me the picture of Le Ping.  
  
He's been gone less than two minutes, he might not have even left the building yet. Quickly I grab the wallet, stuff my keys in my pocket, and follow after Isumi. Maybe I can catch him before he gets too far. I run down the corridor, ignoring the fluorescent lights as they sting my eyes, and call the elevator. It's stuck up at the top story and I shift my weight in impatience for a moment before deciding to take the emergency stairs to my right. I really don't know where he lives so if he's gone already I'll have to wait until I see him next to give him back his wallet.  
  
I come down the stairs just in time to see the back of his head as it disappears behind the corner.  
  
"Ah!!! Isumi-san!!" I shout, hoping he'll hear my voice through the half-open door as I leave the building still sprinting after him.  
  
He pauses and turns, looking for the source of his name. I smile, relieved, as I trot up by his side.  
  
"Isumi-san!" I pant, leaning against the wall slightly.  
  
"Touya-san?"   
  
"You left this in my apartment," I explain breathlessly, my face flushed from exertion as I hold out the wallet. Except for yesterday, I haven't run like that in three years, not since I chased after Shindou when he stopped showing up for his matches. I frown at the memory, and shake my head slightly.  
  
"Ah- Arigatou gozaimashita," he says smiling slightly as he reaches out to take the wallet from my hand. But he stops unexpectedly, the sadness returning to his eyes as the focus on something behind me.   
  
"Hey guys," he says with fake enthusiasm, his small smile flickering momentarily. Startled, I turn around and blink in surprise. Once. Twice. Three times.  
  
Kuso.  
  
The world must be playing some cruel, twisted joke at my expense but I'm too startled by what I see to protest. 

"Hello, Waya-san. Shindou," I say calmly, recovering quickly and falling back into the security of formalities since I can't think of anything else to do. I keep my voice steady as I stare at the duo, watching impassively as they gawk at us and stand in the middle of the sidewalk, obstructing the flow of traffic. My heart is beating painfully in my chest, but I ignore it, passing it off as the after effects of my short run. Their faces still flushed from laughter but they aren't smiling anymore. My eyes harden slightly at the comfortable, intimate way Waya leans into Shindou for support and I look away, stubbornly pretending Waya's arm is not wrapped around my rival's waist and his hand is not in Shindou's front pocket. But I'm not going crazy because Isumi's gaping at them too, his face paler than usual.   
  
Shindou stares at us dumbly for a moment, his mouth open slightly. I suppose he isn't prepared to talk with me yet either. I have no idea how he'll act after what I've done, and I'm honestly not in a big hurry to find out. But I risk a tentative glance up at him anyway, and my previous concerns are wiped from my mind when I see his attention focused on the small gap between my hand and Isumi's. I shift awkwardly, now uncomfortably aware of how close I am to the other pro. Shindou blinks at the movement and his head snaps up, eyes focusing on us as if he's only just noticed we're standing here for the first time.  
  
"Ah- Hey, Touya! Hey, Isumi!" he says with a smile, trying to hide his surprise-- and failing miserably. I let out a small sigh of relief at the sound of his voice. The coldness from this afternoon is gone, replaced by something closer to shock or confusion or……... something else entirely.   
  
"I thought you felt sick." Waya says gruffly, staring at the Isumi and disregarding my greeting. I raise an eyebrow at the comment, Isumi seemed perfectly fine to me. A little distracted maybe, but healthy nonetheless.   
  
"Aa- I guess I just need some fresh air," the older pro answers, smiling nervously as he reaches a hand up to scratch the back of his head. A blush creeping across his face as he looks between his two friends and understanding slowly comes to me.  
  
Isumi was there yesterday too, he saw Shindou and Waya touching each other like that. If they were all out together, and I'm assuming they were, it must have been awkward for him. No wonder he wanted to leave. Especially if they were acting like this the whole time... My eyes unconsciously drift down to the tanned arm resting on my rival's slender waist, and my stomach twists vaguely at the way Shindou accepts the touch without complaint. I wonder in a detached sort of way why I find it so disturbing.   
  
But I'm startled from my thoughts by a small, surprised gasp, my head snaping up at the sound and I watch Shindou jump slightly as he stares down at the hand tucked casually in his hip pocket. From his shocked expression I'd have to guess that he only realized it was there a moment ago. His cheeks are stained a bright pink as he awkwardly moves to step out of the redhead's grasp with an embarrassed, self-conscious expression painted across his features. I look to Waya, expecting him to protest or pull his friend closer. But he doesn't even seem to notice as Shindou untangles himself from his grasp; he's far too busy interrogating Isumi.  
  
"- back to the restaurant?" he demands, folding his now free arms across his chest.   
  
"But you're better now, right?" Shindou asks Isumi brightly before he can answer.   
  
"H-hai," the older pro answers, flashing the dual haired boy a grateful smile.  
  
Shindou grins at his answer and Waya's scowl darkens.  
  
"So, Touya," the red head says, abruptly turning his attention to me and practically hissing my name. I narrow my eyes at him, but let it slide. After all, I'm used to it by now. "What are you doing out this time of night?"  
  
"I came home from my father's salon late," I answer simply and Isumi gives a relieved sigh at my response. Neither of us wants to explain the grocery incident, for some reason I don't think Waya would take it very well. He seems rather protective of his friends, especially when it comes to me.  
  
"Did Ashiwara-san finally make it?" Shindou asks, an ironic smile playing at the corners of his lips. I don't miss the jibe and I blush, looking away from the bitter amusement glimmering in his eyes. He hasn't forgiven me for this afternoon, not that he should. Still, I was hoping he wouldn't bring it up.   
  
No. Shindou won't let me get away with this so easily. I lied; I was wrong; I know it. And he _knows_ I know it.   
  
Frowning, I raise my head to look at him again and he smirks triumphantly at the flush that's spread across my cheeks. I shouldn't be mad, I deserve this. But despite all my efforts I feel the anger rising in my chest again and my blush darkens; only this time it is out of annoyance not embarrassment. Shindou's smirk widens, pissing me off even more.  
  
"Yes," I reply curtly, "He did."   
  
"Oh," I smirk in smug satisfaction as his mouth snaps shut at my answer.  
  
"Then why was Isumi in your apartment?" Waya cuts in and I look at him, stunned. I thought they hadn't heard that. There's a hard glint in Waya's eyes as he stares at me and I feel my pride surface. He has no right to look at me like that; I haven't done anything wrong. I open my mouth to respond, but stop abruptly when I see Shindou's face.   
  
He looks...pained? There's a slight spasm in my diaphragm at the sight of him but I ignore it, suppressing the urge to wince as I push the sensation to the back of my mind. I don't even want to begin figuring out what that could mean. This entire situation is already confusing enough as it is. No need to complicate matters further. But I can't ignore that look on Shindou's face and I want to make it go away. Only I don't know how.  
  
Kami! Why is this so awkward? I don't understand.   
  
"I tore his grocery bags so I had to help him bring them up," Isumi explains simply, saving me from having to answer myself. Waya glares at him skeptically, giving a pointed look at our empty hands. I glance up at Shindou, he's staring at me blankly; I don't think he really believes us.  
  
"He forgot his wallet on the table when he left," I add quickly, answering the unasked question; Isumi holds up his hand, the wallet still clenched in his fist, to emphasize the point. Waya opens his mouth, giving me an accusing glare.   
  
"Ah- ," Shindou yawns loudly, stopping the red head before he can start. "I'm beat!" He smiles, or tries to as best he can with his mouth opened wide, and begins stretching his arms in an exaggerated motion to prove his point. "What time is it?"  
  
"11:05," Isumi replies, looking at his watch. Waya doesn't even bother to check, his glare still held steadfast on me.  
  
"Wow! It's that late?!" Shindou cries loudly, stunned, "I gotta get home. I have to be up by 7 tomorrow!" he makes a small face at this, and I suppress the urge to grin.  
  
"Me too," Isumi replies, smiling a little at his friend's reaction before turning to me, "Thanks for giving me back my wallet."  
  
"Let's go," Waya growls as he steps between me and Isumi, holding the other boy roughly by his arm. The older pro blushes, too shocked to resist as Waya leads him down the sidewalk towards the subway. Shindou stares after them, a startled look on his face.  
  
"I guess I'll see you Friday, right?" Isumi calls over his shoulder, the red head refusing to let him turn around as he ushers the older pro down the sidewalk. "Waya, that hurts!" he says directing his attention back to his friend. A mumbled apology is all I can make out.  
  
I blink after him in confusion, not knowing what he's talking about.   
  
"Wha--"  
  
"Oh, yeah! I forgot!" Shindou exclaims, interrupting me as he walks closer to where I stand. "Touya, I'm having a party at my apartment this Friday, like a house warming thing. It'll just be me and some friends, you wanna come?"  
  
I frown at him slightly. Shindou seems to be forgetting quite a lot lately. He smirks when he sees my face.  
  
"I was going to tell you this afternoon in the go salon but..." his voice trails off and the heat of embarrassment rises to my face. His lips twitch slightly at my reaction and I have the sudden urge to throttle him. Still, I think to myself, if he's teasing me like this...he can't be that mad, right? And he _is_ inviting me to come to a party this Friday-- though it'll probably be more of a punishment than a reward. It doesn't matter, because it means Shindou's still willing to be my rival; maybe even my friend. A shadow of a smile flickers across my face but I suppress it quickly and raise my eyes to look at him. I fight the urge to laugh at his baffled expression; he's obviously confused by my reaction to his taunting.  
  
"Shindou! Come on!" Waya's voice carries through the street.  
  
"So you'll go?" he asks, ignoring his friend. I mentally sigh, after today I'm lucky he's even willing to talk to me, let alone invite me to his home.  
  
"Hai," I answer calmly.  
  
"Good! It'll start around eight-ish. I live on-"  
  
"I know where you live," I interrupt coolly and I find no satisfaction in the faint blush that rises to his cheeks.  
  
"Oh, yeah" he says, smiling sheepishly as he rakes his hand through his hair. "I forgot...."  
  
"SHINDOU!" Waya shouts again  
  
"Well, see ya Friday!" he says brightly and I move my head to nod, but stop suddenly when I notice how the light from the street lamp shines down on him, casting a fuzzy halo around his head. My breath catches in my chest at the way his hair frames his face and his bangs fall slightly into his eyes. I fight the urge to reach up and brush the strands away from his face so I can look into hi-  
  
"SHINDOU!"  
  
"GEEZE! I'm coming!" he cries in exasperation and he flashes me a smile before turning around to catch up with his friends. I watch him leave, thinking I must be more exhausted than I thought. Sighing, I turn and head back to my own apartment. Tomorrow is a Thursday and I have a match against Serizawa 7-dan. I can worry about Shindou later.  
  
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**End Notes: **HOLY CRAP was that long! 16 ¼ pages. Yikes. And NOTHING HAPPENED!!! Heh, heh. Next chapter though there'll be a little action ::wink, wink.:: :: Nudge, nudge:: Yeah, that was forced and it jumped around a lot, but I was sick , ok? Cut me some slack. Anyway, please review. Let us know what you think; your opinions are important to us. Blah, blah, blah. ^_^  
  



	5. Sai

**Notes: **ok, so back we are, bringing you a new chapter. Hope you people will like it... I must say I fought with this thing for a long time, and I'm still not settled with it, even though it finally kind of looks like I wanted it to. I hope you don't mind the first paragraphs are just Hikaru's POV of the last thing that happened in the last chapter. It was an important meeting, and I needed to let you know what Hikaru thinks of it, so it's easier to understand what's going on inside his head. Just take it as a little summary to get you into the story after waiting so long for a chapter. Then, just go ahead and read. And then review. We really love reading your reviews!! 

**Disclaimer:** Does our IDs say our names are Hotta Yumi and Obata Takeshi? We'd wish... 

**Warning: **fluffyness... and purring... ^_^;; 

**Chapter 5: Sai.**

What's going on? This looks like a bad dream. Suddenly we are all in the middle of the street, fighting. I was just walking Waya to the subway station, after strolling together for a while, and we bumped into Isumi-san and Touya, who, weird enough, were spending time together. Then Waya snapped and started a fight. I've never been this clueless about what's happening with my friends. So I just try to make them stop, saying that it's way too late, and that I have to wake up early and stupid stuff like that, which seems to work, as miraculous as that may seem. Waya then walks towards Isumi-san and grabs his arm, leading him towards the subway. 

"I guess I'll see you Friday, right?" Isumi-san says looking at Touya apologetically. 

Damn. I shrug. Maybe Touya didn't hear him. I mean, I was planning to invite them to a party, to celebrate that I'm now living alone and stuff. But I am mad at Touya, and I didn't feel like inviting _him_. I sigh. 

"Wha..." 

Touya is looking at me confused. 

I am about to lie to him. To say that we were planning to go have lunch together or something like that. I mean, he lied to me and said he didn't give a damn about it, and I'm still mad at him. Still, that would make me the same as him, and that's too low. And that's not a way to fix things, right? So now is the time to show that he's important to me, and that I don't want to lose him. I've been moping all day, for God's sake, because he didn't want to play me. I wince. What's wrong with me? 

Then I am suddenly scared. My eyes meet Touya's and I try to imagine my life without him. Why does it feel so unbearable? Why does it feel like losing Sai all over again, or even worse? I'm panicking, I don't think I would be able to play ever again, if Touya wasn't there on the other side of the board. Even if the only way to find Sai is fighting to death over a goban, if there's no Touya Akira, it all seems useless... When did I become so dependent on him? That's _wrong._

"Oh, yeah! I forgot!" There must be a limit on how many times a person can use that excuse and get away with it. But I would say Touya is buying it. I frown a little. Maybe he wants to buy it. Maybe he's feeling as awkward as me, and he wants to put an end to this awful situation. Yeah, keep dreaming. I walk closer to him. I need to know what's inside his eyes. "Touya, I'm having a party at my apartment this Friday, like a house warming thing. It'll just be me and some friends. You wanna come?" 

He frowns. I can't help but tease him a little. 

"I was going to tell you this afternoon at the go salon, but..." I stop when I see him blushing. I shouldn't push my luck. Anyway, I can't help but smirk. Touya seems to be thinking about a thousand things at the same time. 

"Shindou! Come on!" Waya shouts. I just ignore him. This is _important._

"So you'll go?" I shouldn't push him. I know, but I need to know what's going on inside his head. 

"Hai" 

"Good! It'll start around eight-ish. I live on..." I wince at the relief in my voice. But Touya doesn't seem to notice for he's almost glaring at me. 

"I know where you live" he interrupts me. 

Damn. 

Can I make a bigger fool out of myself? 

"SHINDOU!" Waya is annoying. 

"Well, see ya Friday!" I sort of beam at him. And I'm not faking it. I mean, the relief is overwhelming. Seems Touya is not that disappointed with me. Seems we are still rivals. I can't wait to play him again. 

"SHINDOU!" 

"GEEZE! I'm coming!" I shout. Waya is really annoying. I smile at Touya, who is standing there, looking intently at my face. I thought he was going to say something, but the words seem to have died in his throat. I turn around and run up to my friends. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask Waya, he's still holding Isumi-san's arm roughly. He almost glares at me. That sort of annoys me. "You're acting like a jealous boyfriend" I say without thinking. 

Then I realize what I have just said, and feel the blood rushing to my face. Isumi-san looks away, and Waya lets go of his arm, muttering something like an apology. Then he looks at me. 

"It's just that I can't stand that stuck-up jerk." he says. I frown. After all these years, Waya still doesn't like Touya. I respect that they don't get along. But I do not like it when Waya talks about Touya like that. "I hope you didn't tell him about the party." 

"Of course I did. He is my friend."..._or is he?_ I finish to myself. 

"He said he had better things to do, right? Like playing all those important pro's, the ones that..." 

"He said he would be coming." I interrupt rather dryly. I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I'm tired and confused. 

Waya looks away. I walk up to him and put my hand on his shoulder. 

"Let's go, ok? I'm tired." I say, fighting the urge to yawn. 

Waya sends a resentful look Isumi-san's way and starts walking towards the subway again. I think I understand what's inside his head right now. I didn't know Isumi-san and Touya were such good friends. And, to be honest, it hurts me a bit. I always thought I was the one who knew Touya the best. After all I am his rival, am I not? 

We are awkwardly silent. And, for once, I don't feel like saying anything to lighten our mood. So we reach the subway and stop there. Isumi-san looks at me and smiles gently. 

"So... do you have a game tomorrow?", he asks. I shake my head. I'm about reaching enough points to be promoted to a 4-dan level. But I don't have a game tomorrow. And tomorrow is a game day for the higher-dans. I'm scheduled to play a beginner-dan next week instead. "Oh," he says "Then I guess I'll see you on Friday", Isumi-san finishes. 

"Will you come to pick me up tomorrow, then?" Waya asks me. 

We have decided to go shopping after his game. Stuff for the party. 

"Yeah." I notice Isumi-san's clueless look. I play with the nasty idea of not telling him... as a sort of punishment because of what happened earlier. And as unfair as that is, I don't really feel guilty, or ashamed... nor do I give a damn. I think I'm too tired. Too many emotions these days. 

"We are going to buy stuff for the party," Waya says "why don't you come along?" 

I smirk. Waya is being freaking possessive. 

"Sure" Isumi-san says right away. 

And that's it. I yawn and smile apologetically. 

"Well, guys, see you tomorrow then." 

I turn around and walk to my house. Once there I take a quick shower and lie down in my futon. The silence is overwhelming. It's my second night alone and I feel painfully lonely. 

My hand reaches the smooth surface of the goban that's lying at my side and caresses it briefly, before returning under the mattress. I turn around, leaning my head into my bent arm, and sigh. 

"Ne, Sai," I whisper, my sleepy voice the only sound breaking the lonely silence "Is life really the same as go?" 

Of course, nobody answers. 

******************************************** 

"Doumo" I say while getting the bag from the hands of the shopkeeper. 

I've arrived soon at the Nihon Kiin... kind of weird when it comes to me, isn't it? So I have decided to buy a set of go stones and a couple of go-ke for Shuusaku's goban. Having an empty goban at my side makes me feel somehow sad. It's like an unnerving feeling of wasting my time, or even betraying go's meaning. I don't really know where that comes from... but the thing is that having the goban Torajiro died over sitting in my room all naked like it is, makes me feel guilty, like being rude and unable to appreciate Torajiro's and Sai's sacrifices. 

I walk to the elevator. I wonder if it will take Waya and Isumi-san much longer to finish their matches. The elevator opens in front of me and I almost bump into Touya Akira, who's coming out of it. 

"Er... Touya!" 

"Damn, Shindou... Do you ever look where you're going?", he says frowning. 

I smile. Are we back to normal? 

"Me? You stomped out of the elev..." 

"I didn't stomp! I'm not like you, you know!!" 

"Oi, what's that supposed to mean?" 

Touya looks at the bag in my hand, then he seems to realize where we are. 

"You didn't have a game..." 

I smile. 

"I'm waiting for Waya and Isumi-san. We're going shopping." 

Touya blinks. Did I say something funny? 

"Oh, well..." he seems a bit disappointed. 

"You wanna come?" 

Touya looks at me like if I had just said the most stupid think he's ever heard. 

"I'm sorry, I have a previous appointment..." 

"Oh... shidougo again?" I tease him, smiling evilly. 

Touya sighs. He opens his mouth to retort, but he closes it again when the elevator's door open in front of us, and some pros come out, greeting us politely. Ashiwara-san is among them. He smiles brightly at Touya and waves his hand. 

"Ne, Touya-kun, do you...?" 

"Hai. Let's go to Father's salon; we'll discuss yesterday's game" he interrupts. 

Is it my imagination or has Touya looked at me, smirking mischievously? That attitude pisses me off and I'm about saying something rude when Ashiwara-san bows his head slightly and looks at Touya who says happily: 

"See you tomorrow, Shindou." 

And they leave. 

Why the hell do I feel like I've just lost a battle? 

I step into the elevator and go up to the floor where pros are playing their games. 

"Oh, cut it out" I hear Waya say when the doors open and I walk into the foyer. 

"But you know I'm right!" Kurata-san says teasingly. 

"No, I just..." 

"Well, you know I am the best, so it is not a big..." Kurata-san's voice trails off as he looks my way. "Oi, Shindou. How is it going?" He frowns naughtily "Did you find my autograph so I can finish signing it?" 

I look away, sort of embarrassed. No matter how many years have gone by, he hasn't forgiven me for losing that half autograph he signed. It's not like I even wanted it in the first place!! Waya waves his hand. 

"Isumi is coming in a minute..." a steaming Ochi passes them by, and shuts himself in the restroom. Really, some things never change. Waya laughs. "He just lost to Isumi... the brat." 

Seeing Waya's gloomy face and Kurata's teasing voice, I acknowledge Waya just also lost this game. 

"So what are you kids up to?" Kurata-san asks. 

"Shopping..." I say, without committing myself too much. 

"For Shindou's party!" Waya finishes. Way to go, man. Did you have to yell it out? 

"Oh! A party! When?" Kurata-san is beaming. 

I look away. At this rate he is auto-inviting himself. But Waya starts giving him information. Too much information. I sigh. 

"Oh! I'll be coming too!" Kurata-san says happily. I _knew_ it. 

"You... you don't have to push yourself..." I say with a counterfeit smile, waving my hands in front of my face. 

"Yeah, but I'll love to go! I'll bring a housewarming present too!!" 

Feeling a dreadful chill going down my spine, I widen my smile. 

"Really... you don't hav..." 

"Hello!" Isumi-san interrupts us. Well, guess we'll have to do extra-shopping if Kurata 9-dan is coming... 

I look gloomily at Waya and he rubs the back of his head laughing lowly. 

"Well, see you tomorrow then, Shindou," Kurata-san says after he's done writing down my address. 

I nod, sending another fake smile in Kurata's way and rolling my eyes. Then we head for the exit of the building. 

"What's that?" Waya asks pointing at my bag while we go down in the elevator. 

"Oh, a set of go stones for the goban my grandad brought the other day..." 

We step out of the Nihon Kiin and Waya wraps his arm around my waist again. But then, he wraps his other arm around Isumi-san's waist, who blushes and looks away. 

I smirk. Indeed, Waya is being _possessive._ His thumb slides inside the front pocket of my jeans and I remember Touya's disturbed look when, last night, he noticed that. God, that was awkward. For a moment I felt really weird. I didn't mind Waya's touch, I mean, I didn't even realize his hand was there. But when Touya stared at the arm wrapped around me and the hand tucked in my pocket, it felt like something _more._ Something I didn't want _Touya_ to see. Why??? 

"Right, Shindou-kun?" Isumi-san says. I guess I spaced out. What is he talking about? 

"Eh... I guess so..." I mutter, smiling. 

"See? So if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about it" Isumi-san finishes. 

"So, Shindou, what's the big mystery with that goban?" Waya asks casually. 

We've reached the convenience store and we're picking the drinks and snacks we'll be taking to my house. I'm not sure what kind of party this is going to be. I mean, I don't feel like having a _big_ party. Just something familiar. With some drinks, some snacks, a bit of music, nice conversations going on... Just the usual stuff. Nothing like drunk people speaking too loudly or similar things. I mean, I've just moved into this apartment, and I wouldn't like to have the manager of the building scolding me _so soon_. I sigh when I see Waya taking a couple of bottles of sake and a another couple of bottles of beer. Isumi is looking intently at some Japanese snacks. 

"So?" Waya asks again. 

"So what?" I say. I'm not getting away from this so easily, it seems. 

"The goban." 

"Oh, just some family treasure..." I lie blatantly. As I always do when it comes to Sai. Well, it was my grandad's treasure, so I'm not that wrong. I smile sadly, remembering Sai's childish look each time we came to this very convenience store to buy something. He loved to look at the candy's box near the cashier. He said they were flashy. _Flashy_ of all things. 

Waya is frowning. I'm spacing out again. I buy some of those girlish candy before we leave the shop. 

"I didn't know you liked that stuff" Isumi-san says, pointing at the bag. 

"They're _flashy_" I can't help but say. And then I burst into laughs. 

Waya rolls his eyes, probably thinking that there is something really wrong with me. They walk me to my house and help me with the bags. I offer them a soda, and they spend a little time with me. It feels better this way. I mean, I'm too loud to be living alone, I guess. It's not like I don't like the silence and the freedom and the stillness of my own apartment. But I can't stop thinking that this would have been an awful lot better if Sai was still around. It's been three years. And I still feel his loss as if it had only happened a couple of days ago. Well, no, that's not the truth. I was frantic back then. Anyway, it still hurts. I wonder if this pain will eventually go away. They say time heals. But I still wake up crying from time to time. Not that I would ever admit this in front of anyone. 

When they are gone, I take the wooden go-ke and set them over the goban. There, that's a familiar sight. This is something I can understand, something I can dive myself in, and, then, forget about everything else. I dip my hand into one of the go-ke and take a stone. Then, as I am about to bring it down, placing the stone in the goban, my hand stops dead. I look away, and drop the stone into its go-ke. And I walk lowering my head to the living-room. There I start recreating some games on_ my_ goban. 

When I look at my watch is already seven. I was thinking about paying Touya a visit. After recreating lots of our games, I feel the urge to play him, but I guess it's too late. I find myself thinking, almost wishing that he will have been waiting for me all evening. 

"Baka," I grin to myself. I don't want to think about that. I don't want to understand why I'd be happy if Touya was thinking about me. I don't need anything else to think about. And all this thinking... doesn't suit me, after all. 

I'd better play another game by myself and then go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day, after all. And Kurata-san is also coming, mattaku... he's even noisier than me, if that's possible... 

******************************************************************* 

"Hikaru? Ne, you are really out of it, and it's your party!" 

I look at Akari and smile sheepishly. She insisted to come help me. Of course I invited her. I mean, she's my childhood friend, but sometimes she's a bit annoying, hanging all over me and stuff. We are too old now to play like that, and it's a little awkward. But I must say she is useful when it comes to cooking and preparing things for a party. I look at the clock, it really is about time the guests started arriving. She takes the little cute apron she's wearing off... (where did it came from? I know I don't have any _cute_ aprons...) and pushes me to my room, saying something about changing my clothes. I sigh and go into the room, closing the door behind me. Then I put a white shirt and some dark trousers on. I know it's not really fashionable, but it's just a party among friends. And wearing a silk shirt like this is saying something when it comes to me. Touya Akira, Waya and Isumi-san, and all the students of Morishita-sensei are coming. As well as the school Igo club, Mitani included. I hear voices outside. People are starting to come. I comb my hair and step out of the room. It's Mitani. I greet him. 

"Ne, Hikaru" Akari says in a low, amazed voice staring at me "You look awesome dressed like that..." 

"Baka," I blush. She giggles. Great, can it be... is she flirting... with _me_ of all people??? 

In less than half an hour almost everyone is already here. They seem to like my little place and to Waya's delight, they like the decoration a lot. Touya is standing in a corner, like if he was feeling a little out of place, and I start walking up to him. But then Isumi-san is there, and they are laughing. 

What is this feeling? Why does it hurt? 

I look away, and sigh relieved when the door rings again. Must be Kurata-san. I open the door and his smiling face greets me. I can't help but notice that he is carrying a little box with a big red ribbon and lots of little holes on it. I mean, he is giving it to me, sort of gently waving it in front of my face. So how wouldn't I notice? I blink. 

"W...What... is this?" 

"I told you I would be giving you a housewarming present, didn't I?" he smiles. I look at the box with a dreadful feeling. 

"It's alive." I say. It's not a smart remark. I know it. But it _is_ alive. We are standing in the doorway, and Waya has come to see what's going on. 

"I hope so" Kurata beams. 

I close the door. I don't really know if pets are allowed in this building. I look at the red ribbon again. 

"I don't want a pet" I whisper, going pale. 

Kurata-san is pouting. I wince. You've seen nothing disgusting if you haven't seen Kurata-san pout. And you're fortunate in that case, I must add. It's so disturbing I can't help but get the box. It's light. And something is moving inside... Maybe... a ferret? I don't have a cage to keep it... 

Now, almost everybody is looking at us. I open the box and a little black head, with white patches around two big purple eyes stares at me. Then the fluffy thing mews. Ok, it's cute. But I don't want a cat. In fact, I don't want any pet. Even if it's a cute black kitty with purple eyes. Akari is sighing, and wooing and trying to get it out of the box. I'm stunned, I don't know what to say. 

"Isn't he cute?" Kurata-san beams. "I just happened to find him and his siblings and they so need a home. It's kind of cruel to separate them, but I just can't keep five kittens. 

"Five..." I say. I hope my brain will start working again soon. Because I need to tell him that I don't want a pet. And that he must take it with him. Back to its siblings. 

"Yeah, of course, he will keep you company. You don't know how lonely one feels when they have just moved on their own..." 

The kitten is on the floor. He's looking around with big scared and sort of amazed eyes. Somehow it reminds me of Sai. It was the kind of look Sai would have in his face each time something impressed him. He runs a bit and then hides behind someone's feet. I look at the owner of those feet. It's Touya Akira. And he is smiling. He is _smiling. _I had never seen a smile like _that_ on his face. And it's _cute._ His hard, icy eyes are filled with something like tenderness and he is getting on his knees to pick the little intruder up, caressing his fluffy ears with that kind of look that is sending shivers down my spine. And I'm not the only one who's taken aback by this image, because I can see Waya frowning and Akari saying something like "Isn't Touya-kun cute?" to her friend Kaneko. 

I look away. I guess that little furry thing is staying, after all. Kurata-san is smiling pleased and Touya is muttering something into the kitten ears. 

"What will you call it?" Waya asks, sighing, perfectly following my train of thoughts. 

"Sai." I say. Then I gasp. I have said it without thinking. It's because the amazed purple eyes reminded me of him, but... oh, well, too late now to worry about it. 

"Sai, you say... like that go legend." 

Touya's head snaps up when he hears me pronounce the name that's so familiar to me. He is looking intently at me. I know I owe him some explanation. But I'm not ready to tell him. I wonder if I will ever be. 

"Yeah, that way we won't forget about him" I say. My voice is filled with love. And by the look on Touya's face he's noticed it. Maa, he's the one who knew something was going on, back there, right? I smile naughtily. I wonder if Sai would get mad because I've named a kitten after him. 

"Ne, Sai..." Waya teases him with a finger, and Sai tries to scratch him, rubbing himself against Touya's chest. It's so funny everybody is laughing, and Waya is steaming. "I guess he doesn't like me..." Waya sighs, rolling his eyes. 

"Ne, Hikaru, would you bring some ice from the kitchen?" Akari says, looking at the table. "There's not a single cube here, and Kurata-san might be thirsty." 

"Hai..." I walk towards the kitchen while everybody else is busy playing with my new roommate. I kneel on the floor to get the ice bag out of the freezer. As I stand up, I gasp, since my back is bumping onto something. I look over my shoulder at Waya's blushing face. "You surprised me!" I say, laughing nervously. I set the bag with the ice over the counter top and turn around to look at Waya. Now my back is pressed against the wall, and Waya is even closer. I feel my heart beating faster. Sometimes I don't know what's inside his head, and he makes me feel so awkward. He smiles, with a naughty look in his eyes. I see like in slow motion how his arm moves towards me, and I can hear the sound of his hand leaning on the wall at some place between my neck and my shoulder. I guess I'm blushing. 

We are both silent. Waya is sort of serious, but his lips are showing something like a smirk, and it's giving me the creeps. I can't help but remember the touch of his hand on my back, and my hair, and I shiver a little in anticipation, trying to push those thoughts away. 

Then, another image crosses my mind. Touya looking awkwardly at his hand casually tucked into my pocket. A disturbed look painted all over his face. This is wrong. Why, I don't know. I don't want to know. I just don't want to think that I like being so close to a guy who's been my friend for years, while my mind is set on another guy who's been my rival for years too. It's just wrong. It's disturbing, and it's not natural. 

"What are you..." 

Waya is not moving. He is just staying there, like that, cornering me between the freezer and the wall, his body so close to mine that I can feel its warmth. Or maybe I'm imagining things. 

"Oi, stop playing around," I say. I place my hand in his chest and push him. He doesn't resist. The touch is electrifying and I gasp. Then I take the bag with the ice and run away from the kitchen, feeling ashamed. My face is probably red. Isumi is looking at me, and I smile while I give him the ice and excuse myself. 

I hear Waya's footsteps when he comes out of the kitchen. He also approaches Isumi-san, and I, then, get away from them. I see Touya playing with Sai in a corner, and I walk up to them. 

"So Sai, is it?" he says. He doesn't look at me. 

I nod. He is still not looking at me, but at the kitten, that cute smile again in his face. 

"I wouldn't have thought Touya likes kittens" I say, sort of changing the topic. 

He looks at me and smiles gently. 

"That only shows there's a lot you don't know about me." 

I grin. He's right. I caress Sai's ears and he purrs a little. 

"I guess I should be happy that he likes me better than he likes Waya" I laugh. "Otherwise, I would have to hire you as his caretaker..." 

Touya's eyes harden. I wonder if I have said something wrong. His lips are pressed in a thin line, and I'm already missing that tender smile. I would like to be able to bring it back. I shake my head. I guess Waya's weird behaviour in the kitchen has just left me thinking weird stuff... yet again. 

"Well, you're right" I say, smiling happily, "So I don't know anything about you. I just know that you like to play go even more than your own life, and that I annoy you big time. So I want to fix that." 

Touya looks at me surprised. I lean on the wall, and slide down to the floor, playing with Sai. I notice with satisfaction that he also sits down. I'm silent. I'm waiting for him to ask me to go on. Am I teasing him again? Maybe, it's so fun... 

"What do you mean?" he says, clueless. 

"Oh, like... what do you do when you're not playing go." 

He looks away. I raise an eyebrow. It can't be that he doesn't do anything other than playing go. 

"Touya?" 

He doesn't answer. Then he looks at me with stingy icy eyes. 

"Are you making fun of me?" 

I open my mouth, then shut it again. I look at the floor. 

"That's not my..." 

"You know that go is my life. That I live only to play and what my goals are. I thought you already knew that I'm looking for the Hand of God and thus I can't afford to have any distraction that..." 

"I know that..." I interrupt without looking at him. "But you should relax from time to time. Like going to the movies, or to the karaoke or simply having a walk with your friends." 

"I see no point on doing that kind of stuff..." Sai is rubbing against Touya's leg and he's patting his head absently. 

"Then why did you come here?" I ask. And right away I regret it. I know he was just trying to get over the awkward situation we were stuck in. "Forget that. It was stupid." I whisper. 

From that point on, the conversation is lighter. We talk about go, about my promotion to 4-dan, about Sai (the fluffy one). I'm having such a good time, I don't notice the time is going by and the people suddenly are getting ready to leave. I've been a jerk during all the party, paying attention only to Touya, and forgetting about everyone else. I did it to run away from Waya, in the first place, but then I got sucked into a nice talk, and I've been really having a good time. Akari seems disappointed for some reason, while Waya and Isumi are talking, both of them sitting in the couch. Isumi-san laughs, and I feel relieved to see that he's not that gloomy anymore. I apologize to Touya and stand up, approaching the people who are leaving. Kurata-san gets near me and smiles. 

"You are amazing" he says. I blink. I don't have any idea of what he is talking about. He's waving his hand dismissively. "Well, if you haven't realized it yourself, I guess, you're just a fool." He adds, teasingly. 

"Oi, what was that for??" I ask frowning. 

I look at the clock. It's really late, the time has gone by really fast. I walk Kurata-san to the door and open it to let him leave. All the students of Morishita-sensei but Waya walk out with him. We have a meeting tomorrow, so I guess they just want to go home, and have some sleep before attending his class. 

I step back when I close the door, and trip over someone. I turn around apologizing to find a blushing Touya Akira waving his hand, and looking away. He opens his mouth. He's probably going to say he's leaving, and I suddenly don't want him to, so I brashly ignore him and walk over to Kaneko-san and Akari who are taking stuff from the living-room to the kitchen. It's only Waya, Isumi-san, Mitani and them in the house. Well, and Touya Akira. Mitani is yawning, his bored face looking at Kaneko-san and Akari. 

"Ne, you don't have to do this..." I say, stopping Akari. I place my hand in her shoulder and she blushes. "No, really, you've been here all day, helping me, and that's enough. I can manage the rest of it. Go home, you surely are tired. And I bet you have some homework to do." She's got into an important university, and she's been complaining a lot about the loads of homework they need to get done everyday. 

"Oh, but I don't mind helping a bit more..." she looks away, blushing. Girls are so weird. 

I smile gently, and kindly brush a strand of hair out of her face. 

"I can do it alone. I'm a big boy, don't you know it? Even though mom says I'm an irresponsible child and I shouldn't be living alone, because I only eat instant ramen. I mean, do you know how damn good is that instant ramen? And you need to have some skills to..." I realize what I'm saying and shut up. Once again, I'm just making a fool out of myself. But that instant ramen is good. Really. 

"I'll come around to make you some food, ok?" she says, happily. 

"You don't have to..." I look away, embarrassed, and I'm shocked when I see the look in Touya's eyes. He's sort of angry, frowning, but he's also... _sad_? He's holding Sai against his chest. And when he realizes I'm looking at him, he just looks down at the kitten and pets him. 

Finally Waya, Isumi-san and Touya are the only guests left. It seems Waya is being as possessive as ever, and he doesn't want to leave before Touya does. In fact, Waya's staring at Touya from his place in the couch, while Isumi-san talks happily to him. 

"Shindou... it's time for me to leave too..." Touya whispers, well aware of the look in Waya's eyes. 

"You don't have to..." I say, wishing he would stay a little longer. 

Touya laughs sarcastically. 

"You don't have to be very smart to know that he doesn't like me around his friends." he says, stressing the word friends. I wonder what he means. 

"Touya... when I asked you before... about what you do besides go... I'm sorry if it looked like I was teasing you. Let me make up to you for it." 

He looks at me shocked. It seems he doesn't really know if I'm bullying him. I walk him to the door, and he lets go of Sai, looking at the kitten as he gets away from us. I would like him to look at me, but he seems to be really interested in Sai. I grin. After all, it has always been like that, I say to myself, feeling a bit hurt. 

"I mean..." I add, feeling awkward. I was about asking him to go to the movies or bowling or something, but it suddenly feels like asking him on a date. I don't know why it feels like that. It's the first time I think some stupid stuff like that, when asking a friend to accompany me somewhere. 

"You don't have to make up for anything" he says, still not looking at me. 

"Yeah, I know..." I grin. "Anyway, I need to take Sai to the vet, and then I'll go to buy some stuff for him, and he likes you a whole lot... And, oh, well, maybe you would like to come with us? I'll treat you to dinner. And I promise we won't have to eat ramen." I add, with a sheepish grin. 

Waya and Isumi-san are walking towards us. For some reason I don't want them to know. I would like to keep this a secret from them. And this is the first time I want to keep a secret from my friends... (Sai, the heiyan courtier, doesn't count, of course). I stare at the ground. 

"Alright" Touya says. 

I look at him. He is smiling. I love that smile, it makes me want to smile too. And so I smile back. 

"Cool." 

"What's cool?" Waya asks. 

"That Touya will be lending me a Shuusaku's compilation of kifu's I haven't seen before" I lie. 

Touya grins. I don't know if he's disappointed because I haven't told them the truth or he's relieved because of that. 

The three of them leave my place at the same time, and I just throw myself into my futon, after changing into my night clothes. I look at Sai and threaten him with a painful death if he leaves some 'gift' on the carpet of my room and he mews back, curling in the corner of my futon. 

I smile at him. After all, he's kind of cute. And his intelligent and amazed eyes look like his... I think sleepily. Then I laugh lowly. Sai wouldn't like to be compared with a kitten... If only Sai was here... If only... 

"Why did you leave?" I ask to the silent room, almost asleep. Yet again, there's no answer. I smile sadly, and give in to the sopor that's washing over me. 

Tonight, though, the silence is broken by a kitten's purr. 

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Hope that didn't suck too much! Review please! Thanks! 


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